Nothing seemed to stop him from doing what he wanted to do. He wanted a peice of pizza after a night at the bar so he bought two.
"Ill take two those bad boys...yeah those two"
He spoke as though he had been something at some point or was going to be something at some point. Even though he couldn't see straight Mordecai got two meatlovers pizza slices and ate them like a champion. He did not care what he looked liked but he presented himself like someone of importance. After he was done he went up to a girl wearing fake leather pants and a short haircut and spoke bluntly.
"I like your pants and your hair. What kind of pizza did you get?"
"Fuck off creep."
He didn't know what to say back so he spoke what came to his mind.
"I like playdough. "
He realized that he sounded retared but he went with it. He waited. She looked at him and decided why not. She grabbed his arm with one hand and his junk in the other and said,
"Did you ever play Grape Escape?"
He had that board game as a child so he went with it. They left the pizza shop in haste.
Once outside he noticed it was raining so he started to run. 1/4 of the way home he noticed that the pizza girl was no longer with him. He must have lost her along the way during his sprint home. He was far too fast for the normal individual obviously because of his commitmnt to Sparkle Motion. A running group he started 3 years back with no one else. It was inspired by the movie Donnie Darko and the one peice sparkled spandex running suit he made with a 11 year old's craft box he stole while he was visiting his old elementary school.
He wished hadn't had run that fast since it was a while a girl seemed to be interested in his sexual fetish of playdough and fornication, but such is life. Outside his building a couple of toughs were sitting on the front step playing cards. The cards were folded in the middle and seemed to be quite old. They were blocking the way and he didn't care much to have to step around them espeically since he had just run all the way from the pizza place. He wanted some water.
"Hey chaps, you mind scooted over so I can get by to get some water and go to bed? I'm quite tired from that extreme jog I just had."
"Hey loser, no one tells us to "scoot" over! what are you the king of Englandd or something?"
"Well no, but did you hear Prince William is now finally engaged, how excited are you?"
"Oh you're dead man! you're soooo dead"
"Why on earth am I dead? Please dudes I just want to get by."
"These guys know I've been in love with Kate Middleton and wish she was mine. Even though I'm a street tough, I still am a sensative boy and she seems proper. I love her and now I'm going to beat the shit out of you in a jealous rage as if you were Harry.
"William..."
"YEAH William! whatever!"
This guy didn't know what he wanted, but he also didn't know what was coming to him. Along with extreme sparkle jogging he also had trained under the wise and once youthful Ninja Master. He was a drunk living under a bridge, but the Ninja Master had an intimate knowledge in fighting skills and cunning strategies of escape. He knew that these hoodlums had just rowed up the wrong side of the river and were about to meet a bear while cooking beans as the old saying went.
The love-drunk hoodlum in front of him took the first swing. He missed, he took another swing with equal success. Time to fight back. The Blob picked up the stack of cards and threw them in the hoodlum's face. the dispersed and proceeded to get the others standing around watching. This caused the others to get involved. Bad move for the Blob to throw the cards? rhetorical question!~! no. of course not, as they attacked the Blob jumped up judo kicking each one of them in the sternums. As the wind was now successfully knocked out of them, he looked at the main bully who stood in amazement but still groaled with intent to kill. Before the brut could make a move The Blob judo chopped him in the windpipe and spit the wad of dubble bubble had been chewing since before Pizza (he tucked it up in his mouth while he chewed on the pizza) right into his left eye. Since he had been chewing it for so long, it had become tasteless and more importantly hard as a rock. The rather big hooligan flew back on his ass. The Blob took the opportunity to speak as they all groaned with agony of the swift beating that was just bestowed on them.
"You guys look like a bunch of god damn clowns."
He stepped over them and into his apartment building.
When he got home he noticed his roomate was sleeping heavily. He was snoring and it was irratating.
Suddenly a sound from the roommate other than his annoying snores.
"you rememebr when you had the dick in your mouth and you liked it?"
"no"
"oh ya. mah rrggghh...coughs" and rolls over.
He had no idea what he was talking about, or dreaming about. He didn't want to know. He went to sleep. Tomorrow he had to do something big and exciting. He could feel it already. Instead of waiting, he decided then he'd do it. He took a shit and then went to bed again. Super cool. Again, he thought of what he had to do tomorrow. He didn't know what the sunrise would bring, but he knew it would be awesome. Hi HOOOO! Rainsins and oatmeal sandwhiches! I love whiskey and hot rod sausage sticks! Remember tunabean melts? If i hadn't eaten like 3 slices of pizza because I'm fat I would so have one of those.
drunk. my ass hurts and is wet because I slipped on ice. bye
** This was seriously un-editted and written quite drunkly** - A hungover Blob
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