I have a mixed bag of feelings over it. When I think about the importance of the first kiss, I'm overwhelmed by images from media, literature and stories from friends, family and that famously documented picture of the sailor dipping the young nurse in Time Sqaure and laying a big one right on her lips only out of sheer joy the war had finally come to a close.
He probably wasn't thinking about how she would react or who was around him. He just took her in his arms and proceeded to kiss her, not out of romance, lust, or chivalry but out of pure instinct. Like the old saying goes, "I'm so happy I could kiss you." It is not because he loved that girl it was just the first thing that come to mind when he saw her. But that sailor could have also easily thrown up a hand for a high five to her, or just fist pumped or, jumped up and down like a lot of other sailors were. But instead he kissed her and it was their first kiss. So with that, it could be said that a first kiss is like any other action. However, its not.Think about this for a second. One memory that serves you and most people in the world correctly is the memory of your first kiss. It is time-stamped in your brain and you may not be able to remember your girlfriends birthday or your boyfriend's favourite movie, but you can remember some instant from years past like it was yesterday. You can remember the time of day, what the weather was like, what the mood was like, people around you, etc. Its a big deal! It is a big moment in someone's life, but why? Can you remember when you gave your first high five? Or even the first time you fell and scrapped your knee. Probably not. My first kiss was so blatently cliched it almost makes me nauseous.
It was a game of spin the bottle being held at party that a girl named Rhinnanon was having the first weekend of summer vacation. It was right when we finished the 6th grade and about to enter senior status in elementary school. It was there that I had my first, second, third, fourth kisses and who knows how many others. We played the game for a while. The funny thing about it is, that I can't remember who was the lucky/unlucky girl that I lost my lip virginity to. I've thought about it and ran down a few names in my head, but I can't remember who was first one was or if I even kissed that particular girl. But in the end, who gives a crap. It was just a kiss. I remember I didn't even really want to play, but did anyway so does that mean my first kiss was forced? That seems a little odd. But I bet a lot of people's first kisses are forced. So was I cheated out of my first kiss? Was I never to have another? Yes and no. I was never to have another first kiss from a girl, but I'd have plenty of first kisses.Part of me thinks its a crock of shite, because in the end it is only just a kiss, an action, a moment that will end within seconds that if you break it down doesn't really amount to much in the world. However, as pointed out, over the years it has become something to talk about. Its a memory that one person will keep and a topic of conversations for years mostly among mostly woman. I say woman because not once in my life have I sat down with a good buddy and asked "So man, was she a good kisser?" Out in the open, guys don't give two shits about the kiss. We evaluate it, just like woman do, but we never talk about kissing in front of one another unless something funny/weird happened. We'll talk about everything but kissing really. However, it seems to me growing up, kissing was the first thing a girl would ask another girl about a guy on a date. I say girl in this situation because the older those girls got, the less predominant this question becomes and slowly it becomes a backburner question like, "what did he wear?" But its always still around.
Here's a rough example of what I mean using two fictional bestfriends discussing their first dates. For funsies, I will name them Ashley and Tessa.
Ashley and Tessa at 14 years of age.
Ashley: "Was he a good kisser?"
Tessa: "Ummm, yeah I guess. I don't really know"
Ashley: "Did you french?"
Tessa: "Hehe, he tried to, it felt weird"
Ashley: "I know! it feels like a snake or a worm trying to get in my mouth."
Tessa: "Hehe, yeah, It was sort of gross, but maybe i'll try it again because guys like doing that."
Ashley: "I don't know, I don't think I'll ever get use to it."
Ashley and Tessa at 16 years of age.
Ashley: "So did you guys make out?"
Tessa: "Yeah for a bit, he tried to feel me up, but I kept pushing his hands down"
Ashley: "Guys are such pigs sometimes, one time I let Greg put his hand up my shirt and I told him, "just stay above the bra," but he took that like it was a suggestion and kept trying to..ugh, they just want more. He touched my nipple a few times."
Tessa: "Yeah I just don't see why they aren't just happy with making out for a bit?"
Ashley: "So was he at least good a good kisser? Was he okay with his tongue?"
Tessa: "No, he was way to sloppy and used his tongue way to much"
Ashley: "Oh I hate that! I don't mind a bit of tongue once and while, but not when you come away covered in spit because he can't control it."
Tessa: "I know...did you see what Tom was wearing last night at the party? god he's so hot!"
Ashley and Tessa at 23 years of age.
Ashley: "And then the guy just stormed off on her...he's such a asshole. Oh wait I totally forgot! How was your date last night girl?"
Tessa: "It was pretty good."
Ashley: "Oh you're totally not telling me something, did you fuck him?!"
Tessa: "Ashley! haha, no...(pause)I gave him a blowjob in his truck though."
Ashley: "You slut! haha,
Tessa: "Haha"
Ashley: "Oh man, did he have a big dick? I bet he does, I always thought Tom would have a big dick."
Tessa: "Actually it wasn't as big as I thought it'd be, but it was pretty decent size. I couldn't get it all the way in my mouth, sooo."
Ashley: "Good enough for me! Did you give it to him at the end of the night?"
Tessa: "Yeah like he was dropping me off and we started making out a bit, and he started grabbing my tits pretty hard and I just went down on him. Its when guys just squeeze my tits that makes me just want to have sex. Its bad haha"
Ashley: "You gave him head in front of your parents house? Really?"
Tessa: "Yeah! I gave Bruce head all the time in the basement and lost my virginity in the backyard at the end of highschool. Its not a big deal Ash."
Ashley: "I don't think I've ever screwed around at my parents, I always do it somewhere else. It just weirds me out and I'm always paranoid they'll come in so I never can realx. Thank god for cars and dorm rooms. Wait doesn't Tom have braces now or a retainer or something from when he broke his jar? Was kissing him weird?"
Tessa: "At first, but not really, we just didn't really use tongues that much."
Ashley and Tessa at 36 years old. Ashley is now married with child.
Ashley: "...Then John got the lawn cut while I made tuna sandwhiches. Henry loves tuna, who would have thought. He was such a picky eater when he was a baby."
Tessa: "Did I tell you I went out on a date last week?"
Ashley: "Nooooo! with who?...Did you get laid?"
Tessa: "Some guy at met at my office. He's younger, very handsome and yes I did."
Ashley: "Good for you girl! How was it, give me lots of details, like juicy ones."
Tessa: "I haven't had sex in months so anything would have been good. He seemed to know what he was doing and it didn't take long for me to climax. He wasn't afraid of going down on me so that was nice."
Ashley: "Ohhh you're so lucky! I haven't had an orgasm in like...forever! and John doesn't go down on me anymore. I even sometimes don't even want John kissing me when we're having sex I just want him to get off and so I can go to bed."
Tessa: "It seems like kissing doesn't even matter to me anymore, its just a stage before sex."
Over time, the kiss question seems to dissappear or be covered up by more 'pressing' questions. I don't find this really strange at all, since if you think about it, Tessa is sort of right, the older you get kissing doesn't seem to be like the first step to getting a girls/guys pants off. Here's a question that comes to mind when reading Ashley and Tessa's conversation, what makes a great kisser? .
There are certainly bad kissers, but are there really "great" one's out there that have mastered the art of kissing? The movement of their lips, their tongues, their biting techniques? Personally I don't believe an individual can be a great kisser. You're probably thinking, I'm wrong, but seriously try giving a critera that makes one truly great at kissing. See, now you're making a list of what makes a bad kisser and saying he can't this or he can't that. Wrong. You can't compare it that way, I want point-form notes on a good kisser. Then you'll start using adjectives to describe what a great kisser should have like "tender" and "moist lips" and...whatever...wrong again because its subjective. One may say, you're a great kisser because your gentle and soft, but then another girl will tell the same guy he sucks at kissing because he doesn't use his teeth enough, or he's tongue doesn't mesh well with her own. Whatever it is, one person can think you're great at kissing and another can say you fail at delivering a great kiss. Sure you can be good at it, you read the other person well, you are able to pick the right moments or you move your hands placing a hand at the small of her back and bringing her in towards you, or you place a hand on his cheek while kissing him. All of these things are good techinques in order to achieve a great kiss, but its not going to get you the status of a great kisser. So you still can not think of what makes a great kisser. Why? Simple, you're not thinking of yourself. In order to become a great kisser, you need a partner. I think what makes a great kisser in the end is the other person. No one individual can be a great kisser without that someone that creates that spark between the two of you that ignite a fury behind your lips ultimately achieving a 'great kiss.' Its a shared experience, and if one person is out of touch with kissing that great kisser won't come off as being so great. He or she will either loose interest, thus pulling away his hand off her back or she'll take her hand off his cheek, and eventually pull out of the kiss. One can not achieve a great kiss without the other.I also believe its the way a person leads up to the kiss and what he/she does while kissing you that turns it from a kiss to a 'great kiss'. And even the bad one's can become like everyone else with communication and maybe guidance. I think people need to stop asking the question "Was he a good kisser" and instead ask a question like "Where did he kiss you?" Ask something about the environment surrounding where the kiss happened. That's what the memory is built on anyhow, that's what will be important. You will never tell stories about the actual kiss itself. "Oh Estelle, the kiss was so soft, and delicate, and then .476666 seconds he bite my lip ever so slightly." No. You'll say to your friend Estelle about the kiss as a whole, its entirety; "He just swung me around, dipped me down, titled his hat back and just kissed me right in the middle of Time Sqaure." Its the actions around the kiss that counts. Rating a kiss alone without taking into account the moment is useless. A great kiss between two people could happen in Paris or it could happen in an alleyway, it doesn't matter. What makes it great is not the kiss, but the moment behind, during and the what follows the kiss that matters.
I reiterate from before, the kiss is just an action like shaking hands. Yet, it still carries so much more weight and in the end with good reason I guess. Every couple remembers when they first kiss. Whether its outside a girls apartment, or her car or when the credits are rolling on the screen or even drunk in some bar. Whatever the secnerio is, people remember. That first kiss has to mean something because if this first date turns into marriage, you need a story to tell people, or a story to remember together. If you end up breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, that memory of your first kiss will vanish as soon as you meet your next boyfriend/girlfriend and then that old memory will be replaced by a new first kiss. Whoever your last "first kiss" will be the image that will be with you at the present. Sure you'll remember the highlight reel; the girls and guys that really meant something to you and when you first kissed them, but its that person you end up being with and love infinitely that will act like glue to your sentimental part of your memory. Its this idea, where my romantic side agrees with this idea of a love story. Its been a while since I've turned on my romantic side for someone and ignored my cynicism towards love. Thinking romantically, I like the idea of a good first kiss. Not a forced one, but one of truth and moment. It just happens because at that point in time there is no other thought in your body other than I want to kiss this person. Like the sailor and his nurse, it should just happen. Even though I know the action of the first kiss is actually arbitrary, the memory it serves continues to still be important to me and probably always will. That all being said, the secret to a great first kiss is almost a trick, or an illusion. It isn't one person being really talented at kissing that makes a great kiss. It isn't the actual kiss at all, its the dip, the hand on cheek, the hand on back, the embrace, the moon, the sun, the lust, the passion, the nervousness, the anxiousness, the awkardness, the the hostility, the anger, the "kiss me damn you!" and every other feeling two individuals will put behind their lips at that exact moment together. In the end, your first kiss is going to go the way it goes. You don't have much control and it could be Hollywood like, under the Eiffel Tower or on a bridge with the sunsetting, or it could be very plain and average, but it is still going to be special in someway to you and your partner. The first kiss is the first of hopefully many, and every kiss will have a different story, big or small, exciting or boring. Its why I'm always nervous to kiss a girl for the first time goodnight and why I ramble on about nothing before saying goodnight. The first kiss is only a kiss, but its the beginning of your story. I am the Blob, I am a romantic and if you don't like it, you can shove it up your....
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