So I've decided to become a life coach. I know, big step, but it seems I'm needed out there. I had a conversation today with, Raymond, a dear friend of mine and one of my loyal, yet crafty followers (not crafty as in making quilts, i'm talking like breaking into banks or stealing the crown jewels, that sort of crafty). Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, why I decided to become a life coach. So Raymond and I were in a Subway eating some tuna subs with jellybeans and enjoying some root beers. We were almost finished our tunabean melts when this woman walks through the front enterance crying uncontrollably. She was sobbing and you couldn't understand what she was saying. Raymond stood up and went over to her placing his arm over her shoulder. As she was sniffing and holding back her cries of sadness, waiting to hear what sort of wisdom Raymond had to share with her to help her in this dire time, Raymond leaned in and said "Don't worry girl, you're not that ugly." Immediately she shoved Raymond away causing him to fall backwards and trip into the mop bucket beside the 'Staff Only' door. I could only sit there in awe of how badly Raymond handled the situation. Due to Raymond's poor choice of words and body language, the young girl became irrate. Screaming like a woman in need of an exorcism and swinging her oversized knockoff Coach purse over her head as if it were a weapon used in medieval times around the Subway resturant at the paying costumers, I could not stand back and see her do this to herself and endanger all of us trapped here inside (plus, my tunabean melt was getting cold and I only had like 4 bites left...). I stood up and dodging her attacks went in towards her left ear and whispered to her what Raymond should have said in the first place and we could have avoided a scene from Braveheart. I can not tell you readers what I told her, but in seconds she stopped her attacks on myself, Raymond and the rest of the Subway patrons staff. She smiled, let me feel her boob for about .20 seconds and walked out the door whistling Rude Boy by Rhianna. The girl at the cash began to cheer and handed me back my $7.24 out of the register and said "your lunch is on me, you big hunk" while the rest of the staff and customers cheered.
I got the idea to become a life coach here on the internet from that event this afternoon, oorrrr maybe it was just Raymond and I talking about how it would be a good idea for me to answer people's lifes questions on the blog for fun. One or the other, whatever. Minor details anyway.
Introducing, this Sunday March 28th, 2010, Blabbing To The Blob, a weekly column that will have me answering difficult life questions that may plague all of you out there. Whether it be career advice, love/sex advice, what movie you should rent, what music you should listen to before the club, fashion advice, what underwear you should wear on a third date because its either going to be this date or the next when your going to have sex with this guy and you don't want him seeing your oversized 'Laundry Day' underwear. Or what about pressing questions like what should I do if swarm of birds attack me? Anything and everything is accepted because the Blob knows all. Even if I don't know anything about the subject, I'm going to give you an answer anyway. So send your questions at babeandtheblob@gmail.com and starting this Sunday those agonizing questions you've been longing to have answered will be. If you wish to be anonymous, you can be. Don't worry, I took the Hippopotomus oath apon graduating from Cornel University and I have credentials to prove it. Everything will remain very hush hush, you know, doctor-patient confidentialilty.
So remember, email me at babeandtheblob@gmail.com with your questions and I will post my responses here on The Adventures of the Babe and the Blob blog this Sunday and every Sunday from here on out. Let the blabbing begin!
Another news brief I should mention is that a post from our lovely own The Babe is up and coming. I'm getting her up to speed on technology and the idea of having a blog. Don't blame her, she's a babe so she hasn't needed to use the internet like I have to pick up love interests. So keep your eyes peeled!
Sidenote; I found this video today and thought it was pretty funny. All you non-nerds out there...he's playing a video game.
P.S. Ask your local Subway sandwhich artist about the Tunabean Melt!
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