But Professor, I'm Paying Homage To These Authors, Not Plagerizing: A Look Into Paying "Homage"

I haven't posted in some time. There isn't really a reason why either. I guess I've been busy with the activities of daily life. Its not like I'm spending more time away from my computer though, so that can't really be it? Maybe I haven't been angry lately? Yeah that's probably it. I've been out enjoying life as it comes to me and not letting pety things get in the way of my enjoyment of living on this earth. Yay! No, no, that can't be it either because I continue to have a strong hatred of morons that plague this world like dandelions on your freshly sodded front lawn. Its sickening. So happiness can't be the reason why I haven't Blobbed it up lately. Hmm its a good question really. My last post was pathetic and maybe I felt I lost my edge. That special something that had people read my long anecdotes about nothing important even though they should be doing something far more productive. I just know know. I think it was actually a combination of all of these things put together. I just didn't have anything to write about. But blessed be the lord that gave me something to write about. As pety as it is, The Blob is going to blog about the idea of paying homage.


Most of my blogging is done pretty spur of the moment, yet I still take time, a few hours at least to compile some sort of info on what I'm writting about so I don't look like a total tool, only a small one, like a mini socket wrench that fits in your glove compartment instead of looking like a 20lbs. sledge hammer. Today is a little different. Call it an epiphany or a sudden urge to write again, but I'm seriously thinking and writting on the fly here since I don't want to loose this edge, this feeling of excitment. I can tell how excited you all are. I can feel you guys and gals out there. Its almost like when you have to take a huge dump and you're almost speed walking home and when you sit down on that toilet and just let it rip, that's basically the excitment you're having right now. Well its mutual.


OKAY, lets get started. The idea of paying homage to someone is a great concept. If you're not fimilar with the idea, homage of hommage is a show of respect to someone or something. You find this a lot in the art world. An artist will pay homage to another artist, dead or alive, borrowing concepts, ideas, styles, whatever they may take from that other artist and bring it into their own work. Take for example, a tribute band who continually pays hommage to their favourite band by playing nothing but that band. Artistry, whether its movies, music, paintings, writing, whatever all is organic. Art seems to be a living thing as its constantly moving and changing all depending on the climate of the whole, or the individual. One artist may depict dark images as their young, and as they evolve and grow older have a very different focus twenty years later. And if its one thing I've learned, its tough to be completely original these days seeing as how many creative people and ideas are spawning out there constantly. At any rate, in my opinion, paying homage or hommage to someone or something, if it indeed is a sign of respect, it should be noted. Most times it is. Espeically when its obvious. However, in some forms of art (COUGH!** movies, music, television, music videos COUGH!**) where the majority of the viewing audience are, how do you say...functionally retarded? how can you pay hommage correctly?


The case was brought forth by my dear friend AGM. He posted Kayne West's new music video for All of the Lights. He then points out that it has scenes in it that are directly taken out of a movie recently released by French director Gaspar Noe called Enter the Void. He's right. If you have seen Noe's movie and then watch this new Kayne video its undoubtably the exact same sequence of colours, texts and style. The music video starts out normal enough and then about 1/4 way through it, BAM we are hit with Noe's genius in the hands of Hype Williams. Witness it yourself:




And now Kayne West's new video -



My problem with this is that the majority of the viewing public won't know that Hype Williams is paying homeage to Gaspar Noe and I can almost gaurentee about 97% of the viewing audience will have the sentiments -"Hype Williams is genius!" "He's so cool for doing that? Like where does he get these idea? His videos are revolutionary!" Maybe I'm exaggerating slightly. Sure the video is pretty okay, but what stands out to most people watching the video other than Rihanna's outfit, is something that wasn't even conceived by Williams. What really gets me going, and had my friend AGM going was the idea that most people out there watching this on MTV and Muchmusic and BET and whatever else, will have absolutely NO CLUE that Hype Williams took this idea of making an epileptic sequence of text and colours from Noe's Enter the Void. Sure, its known by some he's paying homage and I doubt Williams is saying any different, but how many people seeing this video will be like "Oh nice, he's paying mad respect to Gaspar Noe." I'll answer that for you, maybe 8 people and AGM and I are 2 already. Okay again exaggeration, but the point is not many are going to think this way. Explore where ideas and concepts come from. Find out origins and background information. No one cares. They sit there wide eyed and drooling over Rihanna and throw the music video on to get themselves "pumped up" for a night out on the town. I can almost gaurentee you could walk into a room where the video is playing and be like "Hey, you guys seen the movie Enter the Void, it came out like last year, anyway, that trippy text sequence is straight from that movie. Williams is paying homage" and A)No one will give a shit, B) no one will give a shit and C)give a response like "Oh yeah?" and then not give a shit. It annoys me beyond bounds the ignorance of people and the knowledge that the majority of the masses have no clue what its like to think of something creative and interesting and then not be recognized for it, or worse yet, have your idea taken by someone else and they bask in the glory of it. Maybe its just me, but that would just plain suck. Noe may be like "Hey, its not the recognition I'm out for." Sure, he'll say that and maybe on a small scale he believes that, but if it was me, I'd be somewhat proud that Hype Williams liked my idea enough to throw it in a Kayne West video, but a lot of me would hate the idea that a whack load of people won't even know it was my idea.


Even worse than that is these complete ignorant arseholes out there won't even think that Hype Williams made the music video. They'll sort of think it, but a strong majority of viewing audiences will think "Kanye is the MAN! See that new music vid of his? Its sick!" F THAT! Kayne writes and raps and dances around on a cop car and goes to Karl Lagerfield and Louis Vutton shows, Hype Williams made the music video, not Kayne. Say something like "You see that new Kayne West video. Hype Williams makes a satisfying video." I just want to see the proper people recognized for what they've created! Is that so much to ask for?

Okay, now on to the other example I have that has been with me for a while. Remember a while back when the ever-so talented and ever-so predictable and the ever-so the same Shia LeBeouf made a little movie called Disturbia a few summers back? It was sort of a Summer hidden hit that you'd go see because nothing else was on at the time and it was one of those 'Date movies?' Yeah, well, I think a number of people, will know that movie is paying hommage to Alfred Hitchcock's film Rear Window, which is one of my personal favourites. I think more people will know Disturbia is taken from Hitchcocks back pocket, but not enough. If you do one tiny bit of background research into the movie, like before you go see it or rent it, then you'll likely find this out, but a lot of people don't, which I can't understand. How can you rent or see a movie without checking out the synopsis. I can you just go solely on what the poster looks like or the idea Megan Fox is in the movie. Like holy hell, end my life. You people suck. But that's for another rant another time.

Anyway, back to my point. What upsets me is that this movie was geared towards tweens, teens and 20 some year olds/young adults. I hope to God that most of the young adults knew that this was Rear Window, but that's aiming high I think. A lot of people are as I mentioned earlier wondering idiots who have no idea what else is out there. Tweens and teens, well they walked into this movie thinking it was an scary movie or whatever. Not once is it mentioned in the opening or closing credits that it is an adaptation, or "based on" the film Rear Window. This bothers me more than it should. It really does. I just want credit given where credit is due.


Some of you may have given up reading this blog a while back because you don't care. If you are still reading it, then you're like me and it bothers you to know that artists and individuals aren't getting the credit they deserve. The people who stopped reading, you can lick the area between my sack and my anus, up and down for like 5mins right after I played some basketball in snowpants. That goes for those people who think Shia LeBeouf was the first to spot a crime from his bedroom window before Jimmy Stewart!


This idea of original ideas in movies being squashed by current Hollywood can be stemmed out even further! European and Asian movies, brought to the North American big screens only to be re-made into English with English speaking actors? Like WHY?! Because people don't like reading subtitles and they don't know the actors so why go see the movie? THE MOVIE IS THE SAME!!! Girl With the Dragon Tatoo is the most recent example. They are re-making this movie with a bunch of North American/British actors. The movie is not even 2 years old in Sweden and it was tastefully done! Ugh...I heard that the Korean hit Oldboy directed by Chan-woon Park and based on the story by Garon Tschiya, was going to be re-made into a Hollywood movie and star Will Smith. The movie deals with revenge, murder and incest! Has a scene where he beats guys with a hammer and at one point cuts out his own tongue.

LIKE C'MON!? you really think Will Smith could play that roll? Because I don't. Its been done, you don't have to re-make it. I will give credit to Quentin Tarentino. He re-releases movies to the mass public and puts his name on it under it like "Quentin Tarentino Presents." That in my opinion is just fine. He puts it out with his name on it so it will be seen by more people, but he doesn't alter the movie or put some North American, washed out spin on it. At least its seen in its original state. I don't think re-making movies from the 50's and 60's is paying any respect to the director/writers or individuals involved in the movie whatsoever. I don't care who does it. If you respected the movie enough you wouldn't remake it. Simple as that. Its one thing to take concepts and methods from a Hitchcock movie and whole other to remake it and not credit the man. D.J. Caruso, I'm looking at you dickhead.

(D.J. Caruso looking for more ideas to steal/alter...that or watching Shia LeBeouf undress through his bedroom window.)


In the end, I just wanted to rant again. It was far too long and I think that's half the reason this rant is so long and rather dull. But I have a strong passion about all this. Its tough to get all my opinions and thoughts out on a page without going massively overboard. If anyone shares my opinion or disagrees with it, feel free to email me at babeandtheblob@gmail.com. I'll be happy to respond.

Blob Talks Baby Showers: Where Fun Is Like Flying Hippos...Non Existent.

Oh Baby! its a baby shower!
Come join us in celebrating Joy Smith's upcoming baby girl!

Sunday September 12th, 2010
1:00pm - 4:00 pm
Deerville Rd, My Life As I Know It Is Over, Ontario

R.S.V.P. to Sarah Jone's (555) 555-1111
Joy is registered at Baby R' Us (So you best buy her shit there! She doesn't need no toasters from Sears)

Baby showers. I get them. I understand why they happen. Celebrating a birth and helping out a family with buying them baby items like strollers, cribs, swings, toys, baby clothing, pornography for the man while he waits for his wife to be "ready" again...stuff like that. I mean it is a concept I'm not against, but I definitely can't see a Baby Shower ever being a fun. (Women reading this crossing there arms saying "not true!" ....Pipe down! you know I speak the truth.)

This weekend a lady friend of mine is being forced to attend to a baby shower for a relative she does not particularly want to go to. It is not because she doesn't like this relative or she's a bad person. Nothing like this. She has just has a strong premonition that her afternoon is going to be completely lame and for all intent purposes she is 100% correct. Its going to suck crap. I'm no psychic, but I can predict its going to be her sitting around for a few hours not thinking about babies or pregnancy, but thinking about everything else she could be doing other than this. Some may ask, why Blob are you writing about Baby Showers? Here is my answer, shut up and you will read what I write. Anyhoodle, I did a quick investigation about baby showers on the internet since I've never been to one myself. I actually found this site that has a section for Baby Shower Ettiquitte. I clicked on it and apparently this what should be done at a Baby Shower;

What timeline does a typical Baby Shower party follow?
This timeline is a suggestion and one possible order of events for a baby shower. Use this as an outline for yours and mix up the order and duration of the events, or add or remove events according to your preferences and needs.

• A baby shower typically lasts about 2 hours.

• Guests arrive.

• Greet them at the door.

• Welcome Everyone there.

• Recognize the guest of honor (the Soon-to-be-Mommy), and let her make any comments that she might like to make (warn her ahead of time).

• Make introductions, or have each guest introduce themselves and how they know the expectant mother, or have the expectant mother introduce each guest, and how she knows each one.

• Serve any snacks or appetizers and beverages you have.

• Play 2-3 baby shower games. This helps the guests get to know each other and gets everyone into a "party" mood.

• Serve any main dishes and/or desserts or baby shower cake.

• Gather everyone around to watch the expectant mother open her gifts.

• Ooh and Aah. : )

• Chat, have fun, eat more, giggle and laugh as needed : ) Guests often chat awhile after gifts are opened, and then gradually they will begin to leave.

• As guests begin to leave, pass out your baby shower favors.


Holy crap, are you serious?! This is what my lady friend has to go through?! Maggie I'm sorry, but looks like you're in for a wiiiilllldddd day (so much sarcasm i'm actually puking it). What in the hell kind of afternoon is this? "Play 2-3 baby shower games. This helps the guests get to know each other and gets everyone into a "party" mood." Party mood? Party mood?!! Puts people in the "party" mood? How on earth is playing some baby shower related games going to make any one want to party, or how they're likely putting it at the shower "get jiggy with it" - said like a super white 50 year old mother while she does some weird out-of-touch dance and your grandmother is clapping in the background because something is moving in front of her and she has no clue where she is or who these people are around her.

Let me present something to you all. And for those throwing or planning to throw a baby shower in the near future, take a note. I'm going to take the list of etiquitte procedures and tweak them slightly to fit something else.

What timeline does a typical Funeral follow?
This timeline is a suggestion and one possible order of events for a Funeral. Use this as an outline for yours and mix up the order and duration of the events, or add or remove events according to your preferences and needs.

• A Funeral typically lasts about 2 hours.

• Guests arrive.

• Greet them at the door.

• Welcome Everyone there.

• Recognize the guest of honor (the dead dude in the casket), and let him make any comments that he might like to make which is likely nothing since he's dead (warn him ahead of time, but its likely that he won't listen).

• Make introductions, or have each guest introduce themselves and how they knew the deceased.

• Serve any snacks or appetizers and beverages you have.

• Play 2-3 funeral games for the kids. This helps the guests get to know each other and gets everyone into a "party" mood, and helps them forget that grandpa is dead.

• Serve any main dishes and/or desserts or cake.

• Gather everyone around to view the body one last time before it is brought to the cementary

• Crying. : (

• Chat, have fun, eat more, giggle and laugh as needed : ) (because may I remind you, you're at a funeral you sicko) Guests often chat awhile after the casket is removed , and then gradually they will begin to leave.

• As guests begin to leave, pass out your thank you's and funeral favors.

Did anyone else see this similarity after reading the first baby shower suggestion list? C'mon it sounds to me like a funeral. And we all know, unless you're Irish, funerals just aren't fun and neither are baby showers.

I know baby showers were created by middle aged women, namely mothers and aunts. There is no doubt about it. Its written in the make up and breakdown of their so called "party." Snacks handed out, sitting around in a circle chatting and exchanging pleasantries, taking time to greet your guests. OKAY. I'm all for some sort of manners, but jeeeesusssss, unless your greeting your guests with a shot of iced stoli or you're in the Whitehall in 1534 and you're the King of France and King Henry VIII is there to welcome you, then let them find you and say what up. Even women out there that don't like Superbowl parties or other male oriented themed parties have to admit that there is a lot better chance they are going to have fun at something like a UFC party than a Baby Shower. First, guys don't care if you don't pay attention to the game/event so long as you're not in front of the television during it. I've even been to Grey Cup games that people don't even seem to care if you do that or not! They treat these afternoons/evenings like it's St. Patricks day and its an excuse to eat finger food, junk food, have an assortment of dips surrounding them and drink on a Sunday. Soon-to-be-mother 's on the other hand would likely gossip or make a smirk or have some bitchy off-handed comment towards you if you weren't paying attention to her while she's sitting in the middle of the room in a chair being flooded with gifts because you were actually comparing stories about the past friday with the only other single girl close to your age at this shower. What kind of party is this when you have a time and place slotted to "Ohhh and Ahhh" over presents. Good lord.



(Picture above: 4 women faking their happiness/fun and all would rather be elsewhere)

Conversations at a Gold Medal Hockey Game:

"Holy shit, did you see that cheap shot? Ohhh man, speaking of cheap shots, so the other day I'm in the grocery store picking up some items for dinner and this guy totally ran into me with his shopping cart and called me an asshole."

"What did you say back?"

"Nothing, it was early and I had a fight with my girlfriend the night before so I didn't get much sleep and I wasn't going to get into it with this douche over something like this. So I just shook it off and walked on."

"Ahh what a dick, what was the fight about with Helen?"

"Oh just told her this baby shower she was going today was going to be boring as piss on a plate and she didn't like that too much. I told her even though she hates hockey, that this party would be better. Plus! Deb was going to be here and at least they could talk if she didn't feel like hanging with the guys. Right Deb?"

"Fuckin' right! where is she anyway? that lame baby shower ended two hours ago. I'm the only girl here! I don't mind though... good excuse to get sloppy drunk, eat wings and not give a shit if my crack is showing because of my low waisted jeans!"

-High fives all around and back to the game and into other random conversations.

Baby Shower Conversation:

Woman #1 "Ohh I figured you'd need that!"

Mother-To-Be "What is it?"

Woman #1 "Its a breast pump silly! You'll need it because when that kid starts teething your nipples are going to be sooo sore"

Woman #2 "Ohhhh she's right, she's so right Joy, mine bled!"

-Laughing and giggling all around because they're discussing something personal in an open situtation without the use of alcohol. Having no interest in breast pump talk, a secondary conversation emerges in the background between the older sister and her younger sister.

Younger Sister "So tell me about this boy, is he cute?"

Older Sister "Yeah I like him a lot, we seem to have great se..."

Mother cuts into the conversation between the sisters

Mother "Shhhhh both of you. Joy is opening her gifts!"

Like Joy needs utter silence to concentrate on opening gift bags. Oh god forbid Joy hears anything more than the ripping of the scotch tape between her fingers while she's opening a gift shaped like a baby monitor. Here is something you should think about Joy. No one, including yourself is having fun right now. Unless you're some attention whore, no one in their right mind likes opening gifts in front of other people so why not just save them until later and do something else than sit around for an hour and open everyone's gifts. Its awkard, boring and you girls could be doing something much more creative and fun than this. I realize that alcohol isn't necessarily involved in a Baby Shower due to the mother-to-be being unable to consume it and its like blowing smoke in the face of a person trying to quit smoking. Its just not fair. But if you can't drink is the next best thing sitting around in some sort of semi-circle watching and admiring gifts this woman is opening like she's 5 years old? I'm reading on this same website I got the etiquitte garbage on and it states:
"Is it OK if an expectant mother has more than 1 baby shower?
You bet! Only you shouldn't plan more than 1 of them. It is becoming quite common for an expectant mother to have 2 baby showers or more."

Are you serious?! People have to sit through this crap more than once? That's like having 3 Sunday church masses with a monotone 70 year old priest 3 days in a row, or only in hell, 3 one after another in the same afternoon.

Seeing as we've all come to realize by this point that a Baby Shower is not fun and never will be fun unless something out of the ordinary happens then why not brainstorm and get creative. It can't be that difficult to think of something other than what traditional Baby Shower's have to offer. Maybe try having someone a little younger plan it, like your single friends (maybe a younger sister(s))? Let them organize things instead of a 50-70 year old woman. Don't let your mother plan your baby shower if you want to have fun, and its better off just not letting them get involved at all. If you end up doing something that appeals to the younger crowd, then they'll love it just the same because it'll make themselves feel young again. Think about it. Mothers and aunts love bachelorette parties they able to attend and are likely to get more sloshed than any of your 20-30 year old girlfriends will.

Maybe get a guy or two involved in the planning? Not like strippers, but...scratch that. Get a stripper or two. Get this stripper guy to hand out gifts with his junk swinging around or peeking out of some man diaper. All ripped and oiled up in a baby's bonet and a soother hanging around his neck. Do something! I'll hire him myself for my wife because I won't have her sit through such boring nonesense for an afternoon while I'm free to do whatever I want since I'm not invited, "its a girls thing." Hint: The guy is never dissapointed with this...like at all. He loves the idea he's not even invited so he doesn't have to turn it down. Here's my biggest suggestion then, get the males involved. Get the boyfriend/husband and his friends involved. I know, I know, its the mom's (girls) day...well if the mom wants a fun day and has any sort of happy, loving relationship with her boyfriend/husband then ask him and his buddies who throw year after year great sporting event parties to help plan this baby shower and maybe males will start getting dissapointed when they aren't invited. They got something going right. People always look forward to the parties and lets face it, guys know how to have a good time even in the weirdest situations. And screw opening presents in front of everyone. They all know what they got you and you probably do too. There is only so much someone can buy for a Baby Shower. Save the opening with your husband because in the end he was the only one who helped you get these presents. Trust me, getting the man involved everyone will likely have a better time and may result in something like this.

In the end I reiterate, I am not against the idea of a Baby Shower. I think its great because when I'm a soon-to-be father I don't want to take money that my wife and I earned to buy a stroller, when someone else is willing to buy it for us. No one would, so bring on the Baby Shower. I also think its nice to celebrate the coming birth. But when the idea and events surrounding this celebration makes me want to go to a wake instead then there is a problem. Maybe I'm just being a typical man. A typical guy who just wants fun and partying and doesn't understand the civilness and fun that can be had at a quiet function with just the girls. I've never been to a baby shower so how should I know? Well ladies, maybe you're right...But maybe read over this website I was looking at earlier under the etiquitte section and tell me if this makes a Baby Shower sound fun. Nothing is fun with this many guidelines/suggestions. Its ridiculous! http://www.plan-the-perfect-baby-shower.com/baby-shower-etiquette.html

There is a difference between having a "nice time" and a "great time." Everyone says they had a "nice time" when they really didn't. It was a "nice time" during dinner when I met your new boyfriend who is a complete douchebag but I don't have the balls to tell you right now that he's completely wrong for you. Oh we had a "nice time" at the cottage but your kids are such bastards and broke my fishing rod I wish they were my own so I could beat them. I had a "nice time" at today's Baby Shower even though it was a complete bore and would have rather been reading a book in the park in a thunderstorm. I can't speak for her, but I can almost gaurentee that my lady friend will be telling her relatives she had a "nice time," when she's leaving but all the while thinking to herself "thank God this afternoon is over."

Locking Lips For A Memory: A Useless Study of "The First Kiss"

A kiss. So long as romance has lived, so has the idea of that passionate kiss. A kiss can mean many things depending on where you place it. On the lips, love, on the forehead, care, on the cheek, friendly, on the hand, chivalry/gratitude. But it is the idea of the first kiss that has perplexed me over the years. Kissing = affection, wherever you plant your lips. Its a sign that you care in one way or another about the person or thing your kissing. However, that first kiss between two individuals is something on another level.

I have a mixed bag of feelings over it. When I think about the importance of the first kiss, I'm overwhelmed by images from media, literature and stories from friends, family and that famously documented picture of the sailor dipping the young nurse in Time Sqaure and laying a big one right on her lips only out of sheer joy the war had finally come to a close. He probably wasn't thinking about how she would react or who was around him. He just took her in his arms and proceeded to kiss her, not out of romance, lust, or chivalry but out of pure instinct. Like the old saying goes, "I'm so happy I could kiss you." It is not because he loved that girl it was just the first thing that come to mind when he saw her. But that sailor could have also easily thrown up a hand for a high five to her, or just fist pumped or, jumped up and down like a lot of other sailors were. But instead he kissed her and it was their first kiss. So with that, it could be said that a first kiss is like any other action. However, its not.

Think about this for a second. One memory that serves you and most people in the world correctly is the memory of your first kiss. It is time-stamped in your brain and you may not be able to remember your girlfriends birthday or your boyfriend's favourite movie, but you can remember some instant from years past like it was yesterday. You can remember the time of day, what the weather was like, what the mood was like, people around you, etc. Its a big deal! It is a big moment in someone's life, but why? Can you remember when you gave your first high five? Or even the first time you fell and scrapped your knee. Probably not. My first kiss was so blatently cliched it almost makes me nauseous. It was a game of spin the bottle being held at party that a girl named Rhinnanon was having the first weekend of summer vacation. It was right when we finished the 6th grade and about to enter senior status in elementary school. It was there that I had my first, second, third, fourth kisses and who knows how many others. We played the game for a while. The funny thing about it is, that I can't remember who was the lucky/unlucky girl that I lost my lip virginity to. I've thought about it and ran down a few names in my head, but I can't remember who was first one was or if I even kissed that particular girl. But in the end, who gives a crap. It was just a kiss. I remember I didn't even really want to play, but did anyway so does that mean my first kiss was forced? That seems a little odd. But I bet a lot of people's first kisses are forced. So was I cheated out of my first kiss? Was I never to have another? Yes and no. I was never to have another first kiss from a girl, but I'd have plenty of first kisses.

Part of me thinks its a crock of shite, because in the end it is only just a kiss, an action, a moment that will end within seconds that if you break it down doesn't really amount to much in the world. However, as pointed out, over the years it has become something to talk about. Its a memory that one person will keep and a topic of conversations for years mostly among mostly woman. I say woman because not once in my life have I sat down with a good buddy and asked "So man, was she a good kisser?" Out in the open, guys don't give two shits about the kiss. We evaluate it, just like woman do, but we never talk about kissing in front of one another unless something funny/weird happened. We'll talk about everything but kissing really. However, it seems to me growing up, kissing was the first thing a girl would ask another girl about a guy on a date. I say girl in this situation because the older those girls got, the less predominant this question becomes and slowly it becomes a backburner question like, "what did he wear?" But its always still around.

Here's a rough example of what I mean using two fictional bestfriends discussing their first dates. For funsies, I will name them Ashley and Tessa.

Ashley and Tessa at 14 years of age.

Ashley: "Was he a good kisser?"
Tessa: "Ummm, yeah I guess. I don't really know"
Ashley: "Did you french?"
Tessa: "Hehe, he tried to, it felt weird"
Ashley: "I know! it feels like a snake or a worm trying to get in my mouth."
Tessa: "Hehe, yeah, It was sort of gross, but maybe i'll try it again because guys like doing that."
Ashley: "I don't know, I don't think I'll ever get use to it."

Ashley and Tessa at 16 years of age.

Ashley: "So did you guys make out?"
Tessa: "Yeah for a bit, he tried to feel me up, but I kept pushing his hands down"
Ashley: "Guys are such pigs sometimes, one time I let Greg put his hand up my shirt and I told him, "just stay above the bra," but he took that like it was a suggestion and kept trying to..ugh, they just want more. He touched my nipple a few times."
Tessa: "Yeah I just don't see why they aren't just happy with making out for a bit?"
Ashley: "So was he at least good a good kisser? Was he okay with his tongue?"
Tessa: "No, he was way to sloppy and used his tongue way to much"
Ashley: "Oh I hate that! I don't mind a bit of tongue once and while, but not when you come away covered in spit because he can't control it."
Tessa: "I know...did you see what Tom was wearing last night at the party? god he's so hot!"

Ashley and Tessa at 23 years of age.

Ashley: "And then the guy just stormed off on her...he's such a asshole. Oh wait I totally forgot! How was your date last night girl?"
Tessa: "It was pretty good."
Ashley: "Oh you're totally not telling me something, did you fuck him?!"
Tessa: "Ashley! haha, no...(pause)I gave him a blowjob in his truck though."
Ashley: "You slut! haha,
Tessa: "Haha"
Ashley: "Oh man, did he have a big dick? I bet he does, I always thought Tom would have a big dick."
Tessa: "Actually it wasn't as big as I thought it'd be, but it was pretty decent size. I couldn't get it all the way in my mouth, sooo."
Ashley: "Good enough for me! Did you give it to him at the end of the night?"
Tessa: "Yeah like he was dropping me off and we started making out a bit, and he started grabbing my tits pretty hard and I just went down on him. Its when guys just squeeze my tits that makes me just want to have sex. Its bad haha"
Ashley: "You gave him head in front of your parents house? Really?"
Tessa: "Yeah! I gave Bruce head all the time in the basement and lost my virginity in the backyard at the end of highschool. Its not a big deal Ash."
Ashley: "I don't think I've ever screwed around at my parents, I always do it somewhere else. It just weirds me out and I'm always paranoid they'll come in so I never can realx. Thank god for cars and dorm rooms. Wait doesn't Tom have braces now or a retainer or something from when he broke his jar? Was kissing him weird?"
Tessa: "At first, but not really, we just didn't really use tongues that much."

Ashley and Tessa at 36 years old. Ashley is now married with child.

Ashley: "...Then John got the lawn cut while I made tuna sandwhiches. Henry loves tuna, who would have thought. He was such a picky eater when he was a baby."
Tessa: "Did I tell you I went out on a date last week?"
Ashley: "Nooooo! with who?...Did you get laid?"
Tessa: "Some guy at met at my office. He's younger, very handsome and yes I did."
Ashley: "Good for you girl! How was it, give me lots of details, like juicy ones."
Tessa: "I haven't had sex in months so anything would have been good. He seemed to know what he was doing and it didn't take long for me to climax. He wasn't afraid of going down on me so that was nice."
Ashley: "Ohhh you're so lucky! I haven't had an orgasm in like...forever! and John doesn't go down on me anymore. I even sometimes don't even want John kissing me when we're having sex I just want him to get off and so I can go to bed."
Tessa: "It seems like kissing doesn't even matter to me anymore, its just a stage before sex."

Over time, the kiss question seems to dissappear or be covered up by more 'pressing' questions. I don't find this really strange at all, since if you think about it, Tessa is sort of right, the older you get kissing doesn't seem to be like the first step to getting a girls/guys pants off. Here's a question that comes to mind when reading Ashley and Tessa's conversation, what makes a great kisser? . There are certainly bad kissers, but are there really "great" one's out there that have mastered the art of kissing? The movement of their lips, their tongues, their biting techniques? Personally I don't believe an individual can be a great kisser. You're probably thinking, I'm wrong, but seriously try giving a critera that makes one truly great at kissing. See, now you're making a list of what makes a bad kisser and saying he can't this or he can't that. Wrong. You can't compare it that way, I want point-form notes on a good kisser. Then you'll start using adjectives to describe what a great kisser should have like "tender" and "moist lips" and...whatever...wrong again because its subjective. One may say, you're a great kisser because your gentle and soft, but then another girl will tell the same guy he sucks at kissing because he doesn't use his teeth enough, or he's tongue doesn't mesh well with her own. Whatever it is, one person can think you're great at kissing and another can say you fail at delivering a great kiss. Sure you can be good at it, you read the other person well, you are able to pick the right moments or you move your hands placing a hand at the small of her back and bringing her in towards you, or you place a hand on his cheek while kissing him. All of these things are good techinques in order to achieve a great kiss, but its not going to get you the status of a great kisser. So you still can not think of what makes a great kisser. Why? Simple, you're not thinking of yourself. In order to become a great kisser, you need a partner. I think what makes a great kisser in the end is the other person. No one individual can be a great kisser without that someone that creates that spark between the two of you that ignite a fury behind your lips ultimately achieving a 'great kiss.' Its a shared experience, and if one person is out of touch with kissing that great kisser won't come off as being so great. He or she will either loose interest, thus pulling away his hand off her back or she'll take her hand off his cheek, and eventually pull out of the kiss. One can not achieve a great kiss without the other.

I also believe its the way a person leads up to the kiss and what he/she does while kissing you that turns it from a kiss to a 'great kiss'. And even the bad one's can become like everyone else with communication and maybe guidance. I think people need to stop asking the question "Was he a good kisser" and instead ask a question like "Where did he kiss you?" Ask something about the environment surrounding where the kiss happened. That's what the memory is built on anyhow, that's what will be important. You will never tell stories about the actual kiss itself. "Oh Estelle, the kiss was so soft, and delicate, and then .476666 seconds he bite my lip ever so slightly." No. You'll say to your friend Estelle about the kiss as a whole, its entirety; "He just swung me around, dipped me down, titled his hat back and just kissed me right in the middle of Time Sqaure." Its the actions around the kiss that counts. Rating a kiss alone without taking into account the moment is useless. A great kiss between two people could happen in Paris or it could happen in an alleyway, it doesn't matter. What makes it great is not the kiss, but the moment behind, during and the what follows the kiss that matters.

I reiterate from before, the kiss is just an action like shaking hands. Yet, it still carries so much more weight and in the end with good reason I guess. Every couple remembers when they first kiss. Whether its outside a girls apartment, or her car or when the credits are rolling on the screen or even drunk in some bar. Whatever the secnerio is, people remember. That first kiss has to mean something because if this first date turns into marriage, you need a story to tell people, or a story to remember together. If you end up breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, that memory of your first kiss will vanish as soon as you meet your next boyfriend/girlfriend and then that old memory will be replaced by a new first kiss. Whoever your last "first kiss" will be the image that will be with you at the present. Sure you'll remember the highlight reel; the girls and guys that really meant something to you and when you first kissed them, but its that person you end up being with and love infinitely that will act like glue to your sentimental part of your memory. Its this idea, where my romantic side agrees with this idea of a love story. Its been a while since I've turned on my romantic side for someone and ignored my cynicism towards love. Thinking romantically, I like the idea of a good first kiss. Not a forced one, but one of truth and moment. It just happens because at that point in time there is no other thought in your body other than I want to kiss this person. Like the sailor and his nurse, it should just happen. Even though I know the action of the first kiss is actually arbitrary, the memory it serves continues to still be important to me and probably always will. That all being said, the secret to a great first kiss is almost a trick, or an illusion. It isn't one person being really talented at kissing that makes a great kiss. It isn't the actual kiss at all, its the dip, the hand on cheek, the hand on back, the embrace, the moon, the sun, the lust, the passion, the nervousness, the anxiousness, the awkardness, the the hostility, the anger, the "kiss me damn you!" and every other feeling two individuals will put behind their lips at that exact moment together. In the end, your first kiss is going to go the way it goes. You don't have much control and it could be Hollywood like, under the Eiffel Tower or on a bridge with the sunsetting, or it could be very plain and average, but it is still going to be special in someway to you and your partner. The first kiss is the first of hopefully many, and every kiss will have a different story, big or small, exciting or boring. Its why I'm always nervous to kiss a girl for the first time goodnight and why I ramble on about nothing before saying goodnight. The first kiss is only a kiss, but its the beginning of your story. I am the Blob, I am a romantic and if you don't like it, you can shove it up your....

Ke $ HA! is a Lo$er

Ok I'm going to leave it up to you to decide. How would you describe Ke$ha?

A) A Loser.

B) A Loser.

I'll give you a hint, she's a loser. Yes, there is no other way of describing her. She is a certified loser on all fronts. I don't know really what distinguishes her from other pop artists out there that makes me want to punch her right in the face, but...oh wait, I want to punch her right in the face mostly because she's a fake, whacked out, rich 20 some year old making money off of other people's skill. I can't believe I actually put "skill" in the same sentence with Ke&ha, but I did. It needs to be said that it does take some skill to make one catchy single after another, but its not Ke%ha doing that, its the producers. She is just the face and somewhat voice in front of the song. These people make a beat and write the time signatures that make these songs catchy. Its an equation, a science if you will and these pop kids like Ke#ha and Justin Beiber reap the benefits. Nickelback have found the formula as well, and its why all their songs sound exactly the same when you break them down. They wrote one hit that caught ears about 9 years ago and they've writen almost every song since the same way. It's not talent, its cheating because the individuals who buy they're albums I can safely say, do not listen to enough music to know any better. Just like Ke*ha, they're morons. (If you do like Nickelback, safe yourself and go check out some new music and I'll still like you).

Case in point of her talents: Ke~ha performing on SNL prancing around like a lunatic in glow and the dark paint and barely hitting her notes.




So yes, we were talking about Ke!ha. So we've established she really doesn't have anything to do with why her songs are popular. It certainly can't be her lyrics that make the songs sell because I'm pretty positive she writes her own lyrics. You can really get a sense of her genius with lines like these;

“I threw up in the closet / And I don’t care.”

“Your love / Your love / Your love / Your love/ Is my drug / I like your beard”

“And now we lookin’ like pimps / In my gold Trans-Am / Got a water bottle full of whisky / In my hand bag / Got my drunk text on / I’ll regret it in the mornin’ / But tonight / I don’t give a / I don’t give a / I don’t give a”

“I’m pissin’ in the Dom Pérignon / (Come on. Let’s do it.)”

“Boy come on get your rocks off / Come put a little love in my glove box / I wanna dance with no pants on / Holla!”

“Cause the sun is coming up / And oh my God, I think I’m still drunk / Where’s my coat? / Where?”

“And now my heart is broken / Like the bottles on the floor / does it really matter? / Or am I just hung over you?”

"Whoa oh, there's a party at a rich dude's house"



Now that last quote is the actual song title as well...She has a song called "Party At A Rich Dude's House." Ohhh lordy. So yeah, I guess she's different from most pop stars and writes her own material...but is that a good thing? Maybe if I desperately grab at straws I could say something like at least we are hearing from Ke^ha herself and not some 40 year old man who writes her lyrics. But I'm not sure hearing what Ke()ha has to say is such a good thing. I mean, true, she proves my point that she is a loser with lines like “Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat / Just show me where your dick’s at,” but I don't know if being right is worth the knowledge that this line was from her #1 hit 'Blah Blah Blah' and it got played about 30 times a day on the radio. Young girls are listening to this, and I sound like one of those concerned parents when I say, that's horrible thought.




Is it just me or does it seem like Ke?ha is forcing all of this? Her style and attitude just seems to be shoved in your face a little too aggressively for me to believe that she actually is the way she promotes herself to be. She wears what seems to be anything she can swipe from a second hand store's drop box just to create the same buzz as Lady Gaga except she fails miserably. Her "badass" attitude just doesn't seem to be her either. Like I wonder if she takes as much cock as she claims. I'm constantly reminded of a young French artist out of Ed Banger Records, Uffie, who when she emerged on the scene promoted herself in the same light. Difference being Uffie has talent. A party girl who liked to fuck and didn't give a shit. I basically just paraphrased most of Uffie's debut songs right there in that sentence. She looks sweet and innocent, but there just seemed to be more truth behind her lyrics and actions. Even if they were forcing that image, at least it worked. Uffie seems to be in control of her actions. If she wants to snort coke and do a guy in the bathroom its her decision. While Ke/ha claims she gets the boys, but what she leaves out is that the only time she gets the boy is when she gets stuffed while she's passed out drunk unbeknownst to her. Picture the scene of Casper raping a passed out Jennie in the movie Kids. I believed Uffie when she claims "I got my man, my sound, my glass, and im ready to fuck" more than Ke+ha when she belts out “Boy come on get your rocks off / Come put a little love in my glove box / I wanna dance with no pants on / Holla!" I can just picture Uffie being the cool girl at the party while Ke<>ha behing the first girl to get drunk, make out with 6 guys back to bacck, stumble into things and embarass herself and all of her friends when she pukes in the washing machine after blowing the ugly guy. Wait, maybe she is being "real" then.


If you find yourself dancing at a bar to a Ke$ha song, be a little ashamed, but not enough to stop having fun. Her producers have created some catchy songs and its not entirely your fault you want to dance to them when your drunk. Just remember to be sure you go to the washroom afterwards and wash your vagina or penis throughoughly, spell your name without any astrix's or dollar signs and make sure you aren't saying things like "I like Ke$ha because she's real" because if you do then you deserve to be puked on by your best friend standing next to you. Like right in the face with your mouth slightly open so the puke gets in a little. You know, how your bff Ke$ha would do it. She's a loser and you don't want to go down her path. Ke$!#%^&*()<>~ha in the end will amount to nothing really. She will keep making money as long as her record label backing her, but she will not make a big impact on the music industry. Having her song "Tik Tok" named the longest running number one debut single by a female artist since 1977 doesn't show her talent, it shows how ridiculous the music industry and society has become. The previous holder was Debby Boone for her single 'You Light Up My Life.' Big deal. At least Debby Boone didn't look like John Travolta




Oh how things have changed...

^--- p.s. look for the back-up dancer slip at 1:32mins

"Your Blogging is Harshing My Toke" - AGM

I was watching Muchmusic MOD last night and they were discussing a T-shirt Urban Outfitters sells which is apparently causing some controversy among who knows. On it, there is a simple saying: "Eat Less". (Pictured Below)




Now, the controversy is pretty apparent I guess. Doesn't take a genius to know that its centered around this shirt encouraging individuals to eat less in a society filled with self-image issues and riddled with eating disorders, especially in youth which is the group the shirt is project towards. The MuchMusic VJ asked an early twenty-some year old girl from the audience her opinion and of course she disagreed with the shirt's message and touched on the obviousness, stating things like; it gives people the wrong idea that eating less means you'll be better looking and more popular and she finds it offensive. Then they cue a caller who gives her opinion and judging by her video request afterwards, doesn't have a very sound soap-box to stand on or enough of a voice for me to listen to her. But basically she repeats the same argument the girl from the audience has and brought nothing new to the table. So basically I heard two young girls who disagreed with the shirt and its message. Fair enough.

But here's my question is... Who gives a shit? Really? If you don't like the shirt, don't buy it. Its a t-shirt and its just trying to be "edgy." That's nothing new. People wear things all the time to be edgy or provocative, and it doesn't necessarily have to have writing on it. This is exactly what the desinger of the t-shirt meant by putting it out. You seriously think they designed it and distributed it out because they actually believe bulimia, anorexia and under-eating is hip. They make shirts like this for the same reason they would put out a t-shirt stating "Bulimia is the new black." Gaurenteed that t-shirt would sell. I won't really go into my own opinions with self-image problems and people who actually buy into the crap Hollywood and magazines are pushing other than saying if you actually listen/believe in a shirt that says 'Eat Less', well...uhhhh, you need more help than just some guidance on your image issues.

Although on the other hand maybe we should listen to the shirt and eat less. We certainly don't need a shirt that says 'Eat More.' Look at North America. Its fat, bloated and it getting progessively worse. Deep fryers are as essential as a toilet in America and Canada can't be far off. Maybe we should listen to the shirt and eat smaller portions of more balanced foods. Less is sometimes more in the case of meals. And hey, I'll be the first to admit, I'm not the best person to judge since I'm usually blogging instead of running, but I'm sure i'll go for a run one of these days. At any rate making such a big deal about a shirt that says "Eat Less" is a waste of time and yeah, this is a waste of time talking about it on this blog, sooo. bye.

By the way, she requested the video by Taio Cruz - Break Your Heat. Not that I have a problem with this song or video, but the idea of her requesting a song that is played at least 3-5 times a day and then played another 10-20 times on the radio is boggles this blob's brain (Blob loves aliteration). Why not request a video/song that doesn't get played, some song you use to love, or even just recently love but isn't seen or heard too many times. MuchMusic and radio has nearly endless amounts of music to request so change it up and be creative with your picks! Its like guys calling into classic rock stations and requesting AC/DC Thunderstruck. But this is another rant for another day...


UPDATE (06/05/10): UO HAVE RESPONDED TO THE CONTROVERSY BY PULLING THE SHIRT OFF TH MARKET. http://consumerist.com/2010/06/urban-outfitters-causing-outrage-with-eat-less-t-shirt.html - Those sensative weiners have won again...sad.

This One's For The Ladies!

So its Spring and in the past few days it seems like people are finding love and falling out of it. Strange how a season can do that, or is it just coincidental timing? Speaking of, it seems like its the ladies in my life that are having the worst of it. Whether they are ending relationships, having troubles with one, or just can't buy one they are all hard-pressed to find a smile. So I'm dedicating this post to you girls and giving you two peices of music to listen to before you go out into the night. So this is what you do:
Get your lovely asses out of bed. Go to the shower, turn it on nice and hot. While you're waiting for the water to heat up and motivation to jump in it. Watch this video/listen to this song.
Marina & The Diamonds - I Am Not A Robot


Now jump into that shower humming. Enjoy it. Now that you're nice and refreshed, get out.


One of the most important element of having a good night is what you do before you even go out. Its during the "getting ready" process. What music you play. It will more often than not determine your mood, what you dress like and how you look walking out the door. So with that, I want you to feel confident, hot and ready for fun. So I give you this song to listen to while you're getting yourself looking pretty. It'll work, trust me. But make sure you follow my next steps when picking out what you'll wear. Also be sure to turn this song UP espeically at the 2:45 mins mark, its good. Get it loud in that room.

Dragonette - Pick Up The Phone (Van She Remix)
Dragonette - Pick Up The Phone (Van She Remix) by Travissimo

You will dress and walk yourself over to your closet pick out something that'll make you turn heads. I'm talking something on the border of pure class, and slut. Accent what you have, but hide enough to make the men, like myself, wondering what else you have. Put it on and together. Start putting on some makeup, try wearing some rouge tonight, espeically if you're blonde. Believe me, rouge is back in force. It'll pop and catch eyes. Now as the music is going louder and louder as you get ready and sip at a drink make sure you dance a little or at least nod your head to the beat! Look in the mirror? you look good and cute/sexy/hot/whatever other than bad? You feel happy and confident? Feel like your prepared to ignore boys stares from across the bar but are secretly counting how many eyes you attract? Well then you may be ready to meet up with friends and have a good night so go do it!

....and maybe find a cute boy to have a "pick me up" f**k while your at it. And if that cute boy happens to be me, well I'll give you a shout out in my next blog. HOLLA!

A Discussion of Fornication

Ok so when The Babe and I started this blog it was going to be about every topic we would want to discuss. A topic thread about bear hibernation is not out of the question for example. Some topics are going to be fun, others will be serious. No hold bars as I would put it. A whole lot of nothing to support procrastination or boredom. That's all I ask from myself and The Babe when posting on this. So with that being said, I'm going to now share with you all a conversation I had over a "girl talk," which I had the pleasure to be a part of a few weeks back with 3 lovely ladies (one being The Babe herself). At some point during the talk I gave a lecture on what I like to call The 3 Tiers of Fornication, the differences between them and how you can tell which one you and your partner are partaking in. The 3 tiers are; Sex, Making Love, and F**king. There is no in-between and in most cases its known before one of these acts occurs which you are about to achieve. I bring this topic up to all of you because I'm proud of it, that and it came up again in "Girl Talk #2" last night at a local pub so why not post about it.

!! Before you read any further, be warned, this is about to get a little..uhh...colourful. !!

OK let's begin. As stated earlier, there are 3 various types of "doing it." Sex, Love Making, and F**king. Let's discuss Sex to start. Sex is the most common of the 3 with strangers and couples. Chances are you've participated in the act of "having sex" more than the other 2 depending on your sexual partners. Sex is most common. Its routine. It happens when you're both horny and want to get off and obviously having someone else there to stick or get stuck by is better than the right hand so you proceed to have sex. Nothing wrong with sex...at all. In fact its great. You share pleasure, and in most cases get to see one another naked. Sex normally involves full nudity. Take your clothes off, have sex and roll over and maybe talk or watch the rest of the movie. There is good and bad sex and this is special to this tier of fornication. Unlike Making Love and F**king, there is good sex and there is bad sex and you can normally distinguish between the two easily, espeically if you've had more than 1 partner before. There is such a thing as "okay" sex too. Maybe the dude is playing some weird music and it throws off your rhythm or she's too loud and you get freaked out. Whatever it is, you can come away from sex discribing it as "it was good" or "it was okay." I hope for all of you you don't come away saying "It was bad," but it happens. And ladies, it can be your fault just as much as the guys. If you say you had sex, its pretty much the basics. In the bed, floor or couch. Maybe a chair...maybe. Did you take a guy home and sleep with him? Switch positions a few times and it took place in your bed? you probably had sex. Most drunk ecnounters and one night stands is sex. Depending on your intoxication, its forced to be basic because the more difficult and faster moves are too hard when you can't see straight or even know if the girl is facing you or her back is towards you. Sex is fairly basic, straight forward and fun, but nothing super exciting to write down in your diary or on a blog. Its good and healthy.

Now, Making Love? well that's basically for couples, married people or some fantastic journey of lust where two people have fallen in love, the guy goes to war and he comes back like 10 years later and "make love." Making love is intimate. It involves a lot of holding, caressing, longing, slow movement and not a lot of noise other than the music accompanying this majestic moment of love and tenderness. It can be one of the most intense acts you will have in the bed, or one of the most boring all depending on how you look at it. Another reason to make love? you and your spouse have decided to concieve. Before it comes down to ovulation schedules, or "if we want this kid, I guess we have to do it tonight eh?" you make love. That first time when you've talked about it and both agree you want to try and make baby, you go home from dinner, light candles, put music on, get some oils and strip down in front of one another slowly and then you will proceed to make love. you may do this once more or a few more times, but if you haven't concieved, you will likely go into the routine and have sex instead of make love. Just get the deed done so we can make a kid. See? routine = sex. Nothing really wrong with it, and even if its routine it can still be good, but its just the act. its nothing really more. Making Love is the passionate part. Slow movements and a lot of looking into one another's eyes and saying I Love You a lot with a whisper.

Now you are saying "I love you!" screaming at the top of your lungs while being bent over a table with your skirt still on hiked up to your waist with some dudes manhood being plunged into you with Nine Inch Nails -10,000 playing in the back, then you are getting F**ked (SEE END OF POST FOR SONG). No love, no routine in this. F**king is most of the time spontaneous, fast and rough. You can't F**k without it either hurting a bit or tossing each other around a bit. You may get a bruise or two. I'm not talking punching a guy in the mouth or the tip of his penis, well some of you may like that, but you know, grabbing tightly and vigorously instead of holding or petting. F**king ain't for the weak. Dirty talk plays a big part in F**king too. Words like; pussy, cunt, cock, suck, fuck, baby and bitch can be used quite frequently. F**king = dirty and naughty. Role play normally is involved in F**king, you can't have Sex or Make Love playing out some rape scenerio...that's just weird. Forest Ranger finds you building an illegal fire in an heavily wooded area and he requires you to "pay" for your illegal deeds, I'll tell you right now, you're not about to Make Love. Ever been thrown on a bed and your shirt ripped off and pants torn down to your ankles by some girl wearing red lip stick and tights and she doesn't even bother to take her dress off and just peels the underwear aside (or doesn't even have any one to begin with), just hops right on for the ride? Well first off, you may want to experience this once in your life before you rot in some hole somewhere and secondly, yeah, that's F**king. Pure carnal lust and rage. Couples in a fight and then have rough make-up sex, you're F**king your rage out. Bad day at work and your wife is making asparagus and asks you to try one to see if there is too much sea salt on it and while she hands you one, you bite it furiously and throw her against the fridge and she says "Oh Fred," you're about to F**k her and knock down all the kids hard work spelling out their names with fridge letter magnets. But its worth it. If your spouse says "Oh (insert your name here)" you've got her off guard and you are about to carnal up in her, pardon my vulgarness. Its the most fun because its a change and doesn't happen all too often. It should be hot and you should describe it as such. F**king normally involves new areas you haven't explored during Sex or Love Making. Showers, public parks, cars, alleyways, over desks, over counters, over fences, over a passed out friend are all some examples of hot spots. Its not only with couples, it can totally be with strangers. Just drunken rough, sweaty deeds all over that person's apartment. You wake up and although you've had sex enough, your leg muscles hurt in new and painful ways, this means you likely F**ked.

All three of these tiers of fornication have their fine lines as well. They normally don't bleed into one another. Usually you will perform one. Not many people F**k then Make Love, or are in the middle having Sex and then all of a sudden start to F**k, unless you call the guy a chump or bitch (see you brought a piece of dirty talk in because you're bored). This is an exception to the rule. Another is that may be bleed into is that your Making Love and its not working, not in the mood, CD is skipping or something so you just start to have Sex instead just to finish off and go to bed. There are of course these and other exceptions but I believe my categorizing system is fairly fool-proof. So next time you tell your buddies or your girlfriends "you had sex" with someone, ask your self what you really did do.

This is my own non-professional amateur opinion so if you disagree, feel free to take your words write them down on a peice of paper and make love to that peice of paper. Oil yourself up, light some candles up and throw that Kenny G tape in and make love to that paper. Now that you know the differences, maybe go take someone special to you and try something new. Try calling your partner a bitch while you're on top of them and see what happens! Or rub one out, which ever works for you at this moment and time. And no, masturbation is masturbation. There is no tiers to that so don't overthink it.

P.S. I was listening to this song on repeat while writing this. This is also the most obscure and weird music video ever...

Hot Chip - 'I Feel Better' from kit face on Vimeo.

The song I used as an example to F**K too. This ain't no baby making music.

• 1,000,000 by Nine Inch Nails

More Nine Inch Nails music on iLike

A Moment With A Serious Blob

Ladies and Gentlemen. The Blob and his Babe are back. (Pause for A Moment With A "Serious" Blob) Following a week of posting delay due to the extremely nice weather and other social commitments, I, the Blob have returned to fill that 15minutes of procrastination you all were craving to have. The weather this past week was unreal and rather unprecedented, so I had to cash in. Sitting on patios with friends, enjoying warm walks in jeans, v-necks and an ipod blasting the latest hip jams into my ear drums it was a great last week of March and first week of April. And my excuse for not posting last night for The Blabbing To The Blob Session #2? Well, I was out getting intoxicated for 14hrs so forgive me. For those who know me, you already know that the past week and the weeks ahead will be a life-altering experience. Filled with mystery, surprise, fun, antics and indulgence, they will most definitely leave an ever-lasting impression in my life. I'm sure there will be some dissapointment in there as well, but I intend leave very little room for that. Without going into detail and bore you all, let it be known that I'm about to enter a new chapter in life.

So what does this mean for you readers? Well you can all live it with me via the internet. That's right! you can live vicariously through me! Take this for an example. You always wanted to go to Japan but you have no legs. Well now you can achieve your dream of visiting from the comfort of your chair! I will be partaking in a month long oversea adventure in beautiful Japan. This blog will be home to my online diary of my trip which will include a written acount of my experience, plus the pictures and videos that go along with it. I will be armed with a pen, my Canon SLR, high-def camcorder and a backpack. Sadly, after weeks of trying various dexterity and flexibilty tests, The Babe can't fit into my backpack so she will have to stay behind, but she has been kind enough to lend me her backpack so thanks Babe! Big ups! She will have to maintain the local adventures as I span the globe for my own. Anyhow, this is not for another 3 weeks, but stay tuned! In the meantime there are other adventures to be had such as a trip to visit some of the Blob's dearest friends in Toronto this coming weekend. (You may know one of my friends as a followerer of the blog; AGM. Great guy. huge penis. I accidently saw it once.) So I'm sure a story or two will come from that weekend. In short, the weeks/months ahead are going to be, well, more than interesting and fun! So try and keep up because I'm going to be hot as fire...not a contained fire, we're talking a forest, burn you cottage down to the ground and everyone residing in it, fire! (End of Moment With A "Serious" Blob.)

So since I missed our weekly session last week. I will provide one lucky soul an answer. Only one this week due to time restraints. Sorry I have to make mix cd's for my roadtrip later this week. So here we go. Blabbing to the Blob Session #2 BEGIN!

Hippolovin' from Ottawa, ON asks;

I want to know if hippopotomus's can be pets?

Sure why not! according to this, you can.




Hopefully this video helps you hippolovin' and goodluck with hippo-proofing your apartment/house.