A Moment With A Serious Blob

Ladies and Gentlemen. The Blob and his Babe are back. (Pause for A Moment With A "Serious" Blob) Following a week of posting delay due to the extremely nice weather and other social commitments, I, the Blob have returned to fill that 15minutes of procrastination you all were craving to have. The weather this past week was unreal and rather unprecedented, so I had to cash in. Sitting on patios with friends, enjoying warm walks in jeans, v-necks and an ipod blasting the latest hip jams into my ear drums it was a great last week of March and first week of April. And my excuse for not posting last night for The Blabbing To The Blob Session #2? Well, I was out getting intoxicated for 14hrs so forgive me. For those who know me, you already know that the past week and the weeks ahead will be a life-altering experience. Filled with mystery, surprise, fun, antics and indulgence, they will most definitely leave an ever-lasting impression in my life. I'm sure there will be some dissapointment in there as well, but I intend leave very little room for that. Without going into detail and bore you all, let it be known that I'm about to enter a new chapter in life.

So what does this mean for you readers? Well you can all live it with me via the internet. That's right! you can live vicariously through me! Take this for an example. You always wanted to go to Japan but you have no legs. Well now you can achieve your dream of visiting from the comfort of your chair! I will be partaking in a month long oversea adventure in beautiful Japan. This blog will be home to my online diary of my trip which will include a written acount of my experience, plus the pictures and videos that go along with it. I will be armed with a pen, my Canon SLR, high-def camcorder and a backpack. Sadly, after weeks of trying various dexterity and flexibilty tests, The Babe can't fit into my backpack so she will have to stay behind, but she has been kind enough to lend me her backpack so thanks Babe! Big ups! She will have to maintain the local adventures as I span the globe for my own. Anyhow, this is not for another 3 weeks, but stay tuned! In the meantime there are other adventures to be had such as a trip to visit some of the Blob's dearest friends in Toronto this coming weekend. (You may know one of my friends as a followerer of the blog; AGM. Great guy. huge penis. I accidently saw it once.) So I'm sure a story or two will come from that weekend. In short, the weeks/months ahead are going to be, well, more than interesting and fun! So try and keep up because I'm going to be hot as fire...not a contained fire, we're talking a forest, burn you cottage down to the ground and everyone residing in it, fire! (End of Moment With A "Serious" Blob.)

So since I missed our weekly session last week. I will provide one lucky soul an answer. Only one this week due to time restraints. Sorry I have to make mix cd's for my roadtrip later this week. So here we go. Blabbing to the Blob Session #2 BEGIN!

Hippolovin' from Ottawa, ON asks;

I want to know if hippopotomus's can be pets?

Sure why not! according to this, you can.




Hopefully this video helps you hippolovin' and goodluck with hippo-proofing your apartment/house.

Blabbing To The Blob Session #1

I have a massive erection!

Get your attention? good, keep reading, I'm about to answer some age old questions for some select few who emailed me over the past two days. As I announced this past friday night on The Adventures of the Babe and the Blob I would become a life coach to whoever needed it and emailed me there questions. I'm very qualified for this, did I mention I was in Mensa? Unfortunately, I got kicked out for spiking the punch with cocaine. Sigmund Freud was a cokehead and figured Stephan Hawkins would be rad high on coke. I was trying to bring the rukus to this lame annual Mensa pot-luck! This year it was at Alice Cooper's pad. Anyway, I upper-decked his toilet and stole a homemade apple pie that Academy Award winning-actress Gena Davis brought to the pot-luck. If you don't know who that is, its the girl from A League of Their Own and yes, she's in Mensa, look it up! Oh and so is Asia Carrera who is a pornographic actress. I was surprised to see her at the party. We ended up hitting it off and played Uno. She beat me 2 out of 3 times. Anyway....Lets begin the first session of Blabbing to the Blob!

Our first question for this evening session is from T from Toronto. He writes:

Why are women such nut jobs? Its not all me is it?

This is a very common question in life and a common question among indivduals who have come to me for advice. First, I will say that no its not ALL you, rest assured some of it is I'm sure, but not all of it. But T, you're in luck. I did some scientific research months back after a streak of bad luck with girls. I found conclusively through a series of trial and error scenerios that woman are born with small glands found in their boobs behind their areolas (see diagram 1).

Diagram 1:

These glands release a small amount of liquid that is instantly absorbed into the blood. It attaches itself to oxygen molocules and is transferred from their boobs into their brains causing women to loose control of their sense of needs and desires. This inbalance creates a "hot and cold" syndrome as I've called it. This "Hot and Cold" can result in such behaviour which will come off as "this girl is right out of her f**king mind." Some symptoms that her insanocrazyoculous glands have reacted are; She will give off mix signals, liking a guy one day and disliking him the next, getting angry over a spoon left on the counter, getting into fights for funsies, etc. I could go on, but I digress. The only way to get rid of "the crazy" in women is to cut off their boobs, thus disabling the insanecrazyoculous glands but that leaves us, men, with nothing to stare at while at the dinner table and nothing to picture masturbating and crying in the shower. So T, I am sorry, but unless you want a titless girlfriend, you'll have to bare with the nut job in every woman once and a while. I will give you one peice of information I found during my study however. For the cases of "random fighting" that may occur during a relationship or even early on in dating, if you sense that she is about to bring up a fight or strike you with a small dish of decrotative soaps, pull out your junk and say "I think I have an in-grown hair on my balls...it hurts" and then try really hard to cry. It seems to calm them down.

Thanks for the question T, I hope it helps.

Our second question comes from Peter Z from Toronto. He writes:

I recently inherited a lot of money, where should I invest it?

Well Peter, first if we haven't learned anything about the past year and the economy, I strongly advise against investing your money In fact if you have a bank account, I would probably close it and take all your money home with you. This way you can always keep an eye on it. I'd keep it in a shoebox or many shoeboxes depending on your financial situation. Nike make good boxes. I for one, use Royal Blob Scotia Trust. Its my own bank I made underneath my bed. It comes equip with 3 Nike shoeboxes, a bow and arrow for security and a safety deposit box (an old Sears box I got a sweater in 6 christmas's ago). Its pretty sweet. Anyway, so yes, don't invest. Spend. Help the economy. Good places to spend your money are electronic stores, dog/horse tracks, and asian flea markets. If you're looking for tax breaks with your newly acquried money, donate to a charity. I normally go through my cupboards and find expired kraft dinner and Campell's Chucky soup and send them in the mail to the Heart And Stroke Foundation or The War Amps. Your not going to eat expired anything so why not make a good deed out of it. Plus a good deed will go along way with karma, and never know, enough good deeds another family member may die and you'll get more money!

I hope this helps Peter, good luck with all your endevours!

The last question I'll answer is from Adam also from Toronto. Lot of fans from Toronto apparently. Adam writes:

What are you wearing?

Easy. Nothing but saran wrap around my groin area. Sounds weird right? its not. You know when you go outside in the winter and dive into snow then into a hot tub and the excilerating feeling you get? Well its like that when I unwrap the saran and blow on my testicles.

Well that's all for today's session. Thanks everyone for participating and reading along. Other questions? well email The Blob, at babeandtheblob@gmail.com and I will attempt to help in our next session next Sunday, April 4th. Everyone have a safe and lovely Monday!

Saving The World From A Chair Eating A Subway Sandwhich

So I've decided to become a life coach. I know, big step, but it seems I'm needed out there. I had a conversation today with, Raymond, a dear friend of mine and one of my loyal, yet crafty followers (not crafty as in making quilts, i'm talking like breaking into banks or stealing the crown jewels, that sort of crafty). Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, why I decided to become a life coach. So Raymond and I were in a Subway eating some tuna subs with jellybeans and enjoying some root beers. We were almost finished our tunabean melts when this woman walks through the front enterance crying uncontrollably. She was sobbing and you couldn't understand what she was saying. Raymond stood up and went over to her placing his arm over her shoulder. As she was sniffing and holding back her cries of sadness, waiting to hear what sort of wisdom Raymond had to share with her to help her in this dire time, Raymond leaned in and said "Don't worry girl, you're not that ugly." Immediately she shoved Raymond away causing him to fall backwards and trip into the mop bucket beside the 'Staff Only' door. I could only sit there in awe of how badly Raymond handled the situation. Due to Raymond's poor choice of words and body language, the young girl became irrate. Screaming like a woman in need of an exorcism and swinging her oversized knockoff Coach purse over her head as if it were a weapon used in medieval times around the Subway resturant at the paying costumers, I could not stand back and see her do this to herself and endanger all of us trapped here inside (plus, my tunabean melt was getting cold and I only had like 4 bites left...). I stood up and dodging her attacks went in towards her left ear and whispered to her what Raymond should have said in the first place and we could have avoided a scene from Braveheart. I can not tell you readers what I told her, but in seconds she stopped her attacks on myself, Raymond and the rest of the Subway patrons staff. She smiled, let me feel her boob for about .20 seconds and walked out the door whistling Rude Boy by Rhianna. The girl at the cash began to cheer and handed me back my $7.24 out of the register and said "your lunch is on me, you big hunk" while the rest of the staff and customers cheered.

I got the idea to become a life coach here on the internet from that event this afternoon, oorrrr maybe it was just Raymond and I talking about how it would be a good idea for me to answer people's lifes questions on the blog for fun. One or the other, whatever. Minor details anyway.


Introducing, this Sunday March 28th, 2010, Blabbing To The Blob, a weekly column that will have me answering difficult life questions that may plague all of you out there. Whether it be career advice, love/sex advice, what movie you should rent, what music you should listen to before the club, fashion advice, what underwear you should wear on a third date because its either going to be this date or the next when your going to have sex with this guy and you don't want him seeing your oversized 'Laundry Day' underwear. Or what about pressing questions like what should I do if swarm of birds attack me? Anything and everything is accepted because the Blob knows all. Even if I don't know anything about the subject, I'm going to give you an answer anyway. So send your questions at babeandtheblob@gmail.com and starting this Sunday those agonizing questions you've been longing to have answered will be. If you wish to be anonymous, you can be. Don't worry, I took the Hippopotomus oath apon graduating from Cornel University and I have credentials to prove it. Everything will remain very hush hush, you know, doctor-patient confidentialilty.

So remember, email me at babeandtheblob@gmail.com with your questions and I will post my responses here on The Adventures of the Babe and the Blob blog this Sunday and every Sunday from here on out. Let the blabbing begin!

Another news brief I should mention is that a post from our lovely own The Babe is up and coming. I'm getting her up to speed on technology and the idea of having a blog. Don't blame her, she's a babe so she hasn't needed to use the internet like I have to pick up love interests. So keep your eyes peeled!

Sidenote; I found this video today and thought it was pretty funny. All you non-nerds out there...he's playing a video game.






P.S. Ask your local Subway sandwhich artist about the Tunabean Melt!