Cédric Blaisbois IS Sex: Très Magnifique!

Artist and film maker Cédric BLAISBOIS out of Paris, France is putting out some amazingly naughty and creative music videos. Merely weeks apart Blaisbois put out a music video for Finland's heavy hitting DJ Huoratron and one for the always sensual Mr. Flash, the Perisian DJ who represents Ed Banger Records. Blaisbois use of sex and creative lighthing make for a pure raw video and his knack for the suprise ending is a great touch. He has an incredible style that I can really appreciate and follow. Both these tracks are unbelievable on their own but put them in the hands of Mr. Blaisbois and..well look for yourselves, its unreal. Believe me, you probably haven't seen music videos like these. Blaisbois absolutely kills it!

WARNING: VERY HOT, VERY NAUGHTY, SOMEWHAT DISTURBING & VERY NOT WORK SAFE/NOT FOR SHELTERED GIRLS...AND FOR BLOB-SAKE TURN UP YOUR F*N SPEAKERS NOW!

"CORPORATE OCCULT" Huoratron Music Video from Cédric BLAISBOIS on Vimeo.

"FLESH" Mr Flash Music video from Cédric BLAISBOIS on Vimeo.

MORE ART WORK/ALBUM ART FROM Cédric Blaisbois. God this guy is so rad.

Hitchcock On Ecstasy: A Blobtastic Movie Review of 'Body Double'

Ok, I need to get this out...I just watched Brian De Palma's 1984 film Body Double, and loved it! I had first heard about the movie from reading Bret Easton Ellis's 1991 novel American Psycho, which follows the character Patrick Bateman a homocidal maniac on a murderous rampage across upper-class New York City. Patrick Bateman often refers to the movie as one of his favourite, boasting he's seen it some 37 times and often cites his favourite scene from it.

According to Mr.Bateman; "After more stetching exercises to cool down I take a quick hot shower and then head to the video store where I return two tapes I rented on Monday, She-Male Reformatory and Body Double, but I re-rent Body Double because I want to watch it again tonight even though I know I won't have enough time to masturbate over the scene where the woman is getting drilled to death by a power drill since I have a date with Courtney at seven-thirty at Cafe Luxembourg." (Ellis, American Psycho, p. 69.) Ahhh classic Pat Bateman.

So if anyone knows me, and my love for Bret Easton Ellis, and my strange obsession with Patrick Bateman/American Psycho it was only a matter of time before I HAD to see this movie.

Said to be an homage to Alfred Hitchcock's classic suspense thrillers of the past with a touch of De Palma class, Body Heat is embedded with mystery, suspense, nudity, and violence, and an all around great watch. The story follows the protagonist, Jake, a struggling actor who after freezing up on camera while filming a low budget vampire film, comes home to find his girlfriend with another man. Distraught and required to find a new place to live Jake runs into Sam, a fellow actor who offers him a place to live. Sam himself is house-squating at a luxurious house overlooking the Hollywood hills, but has to leave town for an acting gig he got in Seattle. Seeing an opportunity to help a fellow actor and not break his agreement to watch over the house, he asks Jack to sit in for him, and water the plants. While showing off the place Sam also presents Jake with an added bonus to the house-sitting deal, "his favourite neighbour" who performs self-absorbed foreplay in front of a mirror and open blinds across the way. Over the next few days Jake becomes a budding voyeurist and he gradually becomes obsessed with her nightly rituals. However he also begins to unravel more than he bargained for. Peering from his pirtched bachelor pad, he witnesses a brutal murder and begins to undercover a mysterious plot, which has him as suspect number one.
The film stars relative no name actors, Craig Wasson as Jake, Gregg Henry as Sam and Debroah Shelton as the seductive neighbour. The only real name in the movie (other than Dennis Franz who plays a bit part of the b-vampire film director), is Melanie Griffth, who plays a porno superstar named Holly Body, who I must say, looks pretty f*n 80's hot in this movie. The performances aren't great, but not terrible either. They are simply weak at times, and from the start you will feel as if this itself is a low-grade movie, but it doesn't take long for De Palma's talent to kick in and take you away with the strong story. Gripping and terrifying scenes, the voyeristic eroticism, nudity, sometimes brutal violence and even a music video for Frankie Goes To Hollywood's Relax in the middle of the movie, makes this movie a thrill to watch.

Watching the movie I couldn't seem to look away. I was in constant awe of what I was watching. I can't help agree with Roger Ebert in his review of the film when he points out "The movie is so cleverly constructed, with the emphasis on visual storytelling rather than dialogue, that we are neither faster nor slower than the hero as he gradually figures out the scheme that has entrapped him." I found this to be very true and instead of trying to guess on the ending, I just watched to find out the ending. The voyeristic naughtiness throughout the film also seemed to be very effective and you can't help feel somewhat turned on yourself even though you feel like a bit of a pervert yourself. I can't speak for females, but I'm sure you'd find the same excitment...you perverts! There is something about the images you see in Body Heat that commands a certain sexual attention. I'm sure if you find this movie in your DVD player during a date, following the credits, some sexual attention of your own will be met. (The Blob does not gaurentee this however). At numerous points in the movie I said to myself "this movie is so rad." I recall one point in particular I felt somewhat blown away at the genius of De Palma's film. It was the scene when Jake is gone undercover as a porno actor in order to meet Melanie Griffith's character for the first time. De Palma shows the audience the opening scene of the porno as if it was being filmed at that moment, however somewhat different to most porno's, the opening is staged as somewhat of a music video. The scene is tough to explain, but absolutely brilliant in my opinion. This concept which you in the audience is watching a movie in the movie occurs a few times over the course of the film and I find it highly effective and engaging. Its also original for the time. Kudos for originality. The infamous "drill scene" in the film that Patrick Bateman refers to in American Psycho also lives up to its hype as I demonstrated one of my best facial cringes in a while. Like American Psycho, this movie isn't for kids and all kinds of awesome.

However, the film has not gone unscaved with critics. On occasion dubbed as a theft of the "Master of Suspense." I can see why critics would pick Body Double apart for tearing out obvious comparisons to Hitchcock films. For example, the voyerism played out by Jake in Body Double, mirrors that of Jimmy Stuarts character in Rear Window, both characters peering out their back windows into a neighbours personal life and both witnessing a murder. Jake's struggle with claustraphobia in the film is in direct relation to Jimmy Stuarts paralyzing vertigo syndrome he suffers with throughout the movie Vertigo. Another scene that could be seen as comparable is the drill scene vs. the shower scene in Psycho. I could go on really, its not hard to see the parrallels between Body Double and Hitchcock movies, but does it make it a bad movie? I say no and so does Roger Ebert gave it 3 1/2 stars citing it as "an exhilerating excercise in pure filmmaking." Rotten Tomatoes has given it an 85% and although I don't often look on movie critics for their opinions on what to watch, I tend to agree with the majority of them on this one. I love Alfred Hitchcock but I also understand that is pretty damn near impossible to make a suspense movie without ripping him off slightly. So get out of Alfie Hitchcock's ass and watch this movie. I can see why Patrick Bateman watched this film 37 times. An excellent film worthy of my Pick Of The Week! Anyone want to come over and watch it with me again?

BONUS: The opening to the porno/music video mentioned earlier. Frankie Goes To Hollywood provides the soundtrack and this is seriously cut straight from 3/4 through the movie. I love it! If Glee was like this, I'd watch it. Fun Facts:(1)This also acted as FGTH's alternate music video for the single Relax. (2)For Ellis/Bateman fans, notice Jake is wearing Oliver Peoples glasses or close to them. Not so much SFW...(safe for work)

And His Hairy Monkey Palm Began to Caress My Soft Breast

Japanese Have More Than One Thing Going For Them: Japan Diary #4

Onsen is a term used to describe hot springs in the Japanese language, though the term is also used to describe the bathing facilities most of the Japanese enjoy for relaxing and I've come to love. From what I can understand through very little research and merely on word of mouth and experience is that they come in two variations; outdoor and indoor. Outdoor can either be a man-made hot bath or a natural hot spring which is caused by the volcanic activity underneath creating a steamy, soothing bath-like water above ground. Whether its natural or not, got to say that these things are rad.

After the festival (which I discussed in detail in my last post) we went to bed with aching, bruised bodies. Cure? Taking a leisurely dip in the local onsen spa the next day. The place was a hotel/spa about 10mins away from where Justin lives. It contained two sauna's, 7 different baths, including one outdoor salt water looking out onto the ocean and two sauna rooms (one dry, one hot). Best part about it all? You got to see a bunch of naked Japanese dudes walking around waving around their dicks...wait, that wasn't the best part. Uh oh, I screwed that up. I'm straight I swear. I love boobs and vagina and a tight FEMALE ass in a good pair of jeans. Love vagina. Anyway, now that I've convinced you over the internet that I, the Blob, am a completely hetrosexual male I can say yes, there were naked men struting around with only a small wash cloth to cover up if, and only if they wanted. Some just loved that breeze and let it all bare out. But why not let it all hang out!

For instance, girls you would see this at an onsen:

and guys wish they would see that, but instead would see a lot of this

ANNNND THIS

Onsen's have some pretty strict policies that everyone, espeically foreigners need to abide by that include nudity. Some basic rules/general ettiquette to follow:

(1) You can NOT wear a bathing suit or any sort of garmet to cover up. You are given a wash cloth and that's it. You get a full towel, but you only use it once your out of the bath house to dry off. There are some modern parks that allow you to wear a bathing suit or something, but jesus, come on! let your dick (or vag hang out) because who the hell wants to go to some fake onsen wear your not naked, it ruins the point of them. Rock out with your cock out or jam out with your clam out!

(2) The wash cloth can not be placed in the water. It has to be set on top of your head or alongside the baths. It is considered rude and unhygenic to have your own personal towel in the public waters.

(3) Ensuring cleanliness is extremely important. Every person using the onsen is expected to wash themselves thoroughly before you enter the baths. Washing involves soap, shampoo and lots of rinsing off to make sure no soap gets into the baths. Some (including myself) spent like 10mins washing/rinsing. You are also expected to sit down for this, not stand. Since this is the case, the onsens normally provide removable shower heads to help the process. If you enter a bath dirty or with noticable soap on you is a major faux pas. This also goes for entering a salt water bath and not rinsing afterwards. You will probably get your ass kicked by some 70 year old Japanese dude. He'll be naked and wanting to spank you.

(4) Creating noise is not seen to be a polite thing to do so there isn't much yelling or loud talking going on. Plus you're there to relax not play or talk. No playfighting with water or blowing bubbles. The Babe may have a problem with this, she loves splishing and splashing in the water pretending she's some sort of mermaid. Its weird, espeically when she tells you to come into the bathroom and watch her change from mermaind to girl like Ariel in The Little Mermaid.

(5) Finally, tattoos are a pretty big no-no. Normally seen as a sign of organized crime (since most Yakuza have large tattoos displayed on their backs and torsos) its not a scene most onsen operators want to be a part of. However, rules are often broken since its not really in the interest employees to kick out someone involved in the Yakuza. I for one, would not want to kick out the older guy we saw with his back covered and his large gut displaying a massive dragon over his personal life. Yak's gotta soak too man.

So basically, once you get there, you are given a locker or a small basket to place your belongings in. Even if you get a basket, you don't have to worry about your things being stolen because theft is virtually unheard of in Japan. You could leave $200 hanging out of your pants pocket and no one would touch it. Its unreal. Anyway, yeah you get yourself naked leave your possessions and towel behind and walk into the wash area. Wash up with the products provided for you (shampoo, soap and sometimes even razors and shaving cream). Then your free to enter the bathing area.

Every onsen comes in different shapes and sizes. A onsen I went to in Nikko was only two baths, one indoor and one outdoor, both of them quite small. The women's and men's baths were only seperated by a wooden fence with no holes (damn). The onsen I went to in Yotsukura was much larger as I told you earlier, had 7 different baths including 2 saunas. It had 2 large baths at 40 degrees, 1 bath at 41 degrees, another medicated bath at 39 degrees (it was apparently good for your skin, but looked like it was piss water), 4 individual jet baths where you lay down and waterjets hit up your back, thighs and feet and finally one cold bath, great for after the saunas. It was pure class.

Here I quickly drew up a crappy little diagram with the layout of the Yotsukura spa onsen in Microsoft Paint.

Japanese have more than one thing going for them thats for damn sure. One of them being an onsen. If you ever get over there I suggest getting yourself naked and dipping in one of them. It gets the Blob's covenant PICK OF THE WEEK.

Blabbing To The Blob Session #1

I have a massive erection!

Get your attention? good, keep reading, I'm about to answer some age old questions for some select few who emailed me over the past two days. As I announced this past friday night on The Adventures of the Babe and the Blob I would become a life coach to whoever needed it and emailed me there questions. I'm very qualified for this, did I mention I was in Mensa? Unfortunately, I got kicked out for spiking the punch with cocaine. Sigmund Freud was a cokehead and figured Stephan Hawkins would be rad high on coke. I was trying to bring the rukus to this lame annual Mensa pot-luck! This year it was at Alice Cooper's pad. Anyway, I upper-decked his toilet and stole a homemade apple pie that Academy Award winning-actress Gena Davis brought to the pot-luck. If you don't know who that is, its the girl from A League of Their Own and yes, she's in Mensa, look it up! Oh and so is Asia Carrera who is a pornographic actress. I was surprised to see her at the party. We ended up hitting it off and played Uno. She beat me 2 out of 3 times. Anyway....Lets begin the first session of Blabbing to the Blob!

Our first question for this evening session is from T from Toronto. He writes:

Why are women such nut jobs? Its not all me is it?

This is a very common question in life and a common question among indivduals who have come to me for advice. First, I will say that no its not ALL you, rest assured some of it is I'm sure, but not all of it. But T, you're in luck. I did some scientific research months back after a streak of bad luck with girls. I found conclusively through a series of trial and error scenerios that woman are born with small glands found in their boobs behind their areolas (see diagram 1).

Diagram 1:

These glands release a small amount of liquid that is instantly absorbed into the blood. It attaches itself to oxygen molocules and is transferred from their boobs into their brains causing women to loose control of their sense of needs and desires. This inbalance creates a "hot and cold" syndrome as I've called it. This "Hot and Cold" can result in such behaviour which will come off as "this girl is right out of her f**king mind." Some symptoms that her insanocrazyoculous glands have reacted are; She will give off mix signals, liking a guy one day and disliking him the next, getting angry over a spoon left on the counter, getting into fights for funsies, etc. I could go on, but I digress. The only way to get rid of "the crazy" in women is to cut off their boobs, thus disabling the insanecrazyoculous glands but that leaves us, men, with nothing to stare at while at the dinner table and nothing to picture masturbating and crying in the shower. So T, I am sorry, but unless you want a titless girlfriend, you'll have to bare with the nut job in every woman once and a while. I will give you one peice of information I found during my study however. For the cases of "random fighting" that may occur during a relationship or even early on in dating, if you sense that she is about to bring up a fight or strike you with a small dish of decrotative soaps, pull out your junk and say "I think I have an in-grown hair on my balls...it hurts" and then try really hard to cry. It seems to calm them down.

Thanks for the question T, I hope it helps.

Our second question comes from Peter Z from Toronto. He writes:

I recently inherited a lot of money, where should I invest it?

Well Peter, first if we haven't learned anything about the past year and the economy, I strongly advise against investing your money In fact if you have a bank account, I would probably close it and take all your money home with you. This way you can always keep an eye on it. I'd keep it in a shoebox or many shoeboxes depending on your financial situation. Nike make good boxes. I for one, use Royal Blob Scotia Trust. Its my own bank I made underneath my bed. It comes equip with 3 Nike shoeboxes, a bow and arrow for security and a safety deposit box (an old Sears box I got a sweater in 6 christmas's ago). Its pretty sweet. Anyway, so yes, don't invest. Spend. Help the economy. Good places to spend your money are electronic stores, dog/horse tracks, and asian flea markets. If you're looking for tax breaks with your newly acquried money, donate to a charity. I normally go through my cupboards and find expired kraft dinner and Campell's Chucky soup and send them in the mail to the Heart And Stroke Foundation or The War Amps. Your not going to eat expired anything so why not make a good deed out of it. Plus a good deed will go along way with karma, and never know, enough good deeds another family member may die and you'll get more money!

I hope this helps Peter, good luck with all your endevours!

The last question I'll answer is from Adam also from Toronto. Lot of fans from Toronto apparently. Adam writes:

What are you wearing?

Easy. Nothing but saran wrap around my groin area. Sounds weird right? its not. You know when you go outside in the winter and dive into snow then into a hot tub and the excilerating feeling you get? Well its like that when I unwrap the saran and blow on my testicles.

Well that's all for today's session. Thanks everyone for participating and reading along. Other questions? well email The Blob, at babeandtheblob@gmail.com and I will attempt to help in our next session next Sunday, April 4th. Everyone have a safe and lovely Monday!