But Professor, I'm Paying Homage To These Authors, Not Plagerizing: A Look Into Paying "Homage"

I haven't posted in some time. There isn't really a reason why either. I guess I've been busy with the activities of daily life. Its not like I'm spending more time away from my computer though, so that can't really be it? Maybe I haven't been angry lately? Yeah that's probably it. I've been out enjoying life as it comes to me and not letting pety things get in the way of my enjoyment of living on this earth. Yay! No, no, that can't be it either because I continue to have a strong hatred of morons that plague this world like dandelions on your freshly sodded front lawn. Its sickening. So happiness can't be the reason why I haven't Blobbed it up lately. Hmm its a good question really. My last post was pathetic and maybe I felt I lost my edge. That special something that had people read my long anecdotes about nothing important even though they should be doing something far more productive. I just know know. I think it was actually a combination of all of these things put together. I just didn't have anything to write about. But blessed be the lord that gave me something to write about. As pety as it is, The Blob is going to blog about the idea of paying homage.


Most of my blogging is done pretty spur of the moment, yet I still take time, a few hours at least to compile some sort of info on what I'm writting about so I don't look like a total tool, only a small one, like a mini socket wrench that fits in your glove compartment instead of looking like a 20lbs. sledge hammer. Today is a little different. Call it an epiphany or a sudden urge to write again, but I'm seriously thinking and writting on the fly here since I don't want to loose this edge, this feeling of excitment. I can tell how excited you all are. I can feel you guys and gals out there. Its almost like when you have to take a huge dump and you're almost speed walking home and when you sit down on that toilet and just let it rip, that's basically the excitment you're having right now. Well its mutual.


OKAY, lets get started. The idea of paying homage to someone is a great concept. If you're not fimilar with the idea, homage of hommage is a show of respect to someone or something. You find this a lot in the art world. An artist will pay homage to another artist, dead or alive, borrowing concepts, ideas, styles, whatever they may take from that other artist and bring it into their own work. Take for example, a tribute band who continually pays hommage to their favourite band by playing nothing but that band. Artistry, whether its movies, music, paintings, writing, whatever all is organic. Art seems to be a living thing as its constantly moving and changing all depending on the climate of the whole, or the individual. One artist may depict dark images as their young, and as they evolve and grow older have a very different focus twenty years later. And if its one thing I've learned, its tough to be completely original these days seeing as how many creative people and ideas are spawning out there constantly. At any rate, in my opinion, paying homage or hommage to someone or something, if it indeed is a sign of respect, it should be noted. Most times it is. Espeically when its obvious. However, in some forms of art (COUGH!** movies, music, television, music videos COUGH!**) where the majority of the viewing audience are, how do you say...functionally retarded? how can you pay hommage correctly?


The case was brought forth by my dear friend AGM. He posted Kayne West's new music video for All of the Lights. He then points out that it has scenes in it that are directly taken out of a movie recently released by French director Gaspar Noe called Enter the Void. He's right. If you have seen Noe's movie and then watch this new Kayne video its undoubtably the exact same sequence of colours, texts and style. The music video starts out normal enough and then about 1/4 way through it, BAM we are hit with Noe's genius in the hands of Hype Williams. Witness it yourself:




And now Kayne West's new video -



My problem with this is that the majority of the viewing public won't know that Hype Williams is paying homeage to Gaspar Noe and I can almost gaurentee about 97% of the viewing audience will have the sentiments -"Hype Williams is genius!" "He's so cool for doing that? Like where does he get these idea? His videos are revolutionary!" Maybe I'm exaggerating slightly. Sure the video is pretty okay, but what stands out to most people watching the video other than Rihanna's outfit, is something that wasn't even conceived by Williams. What really gets me going, and had my friend AGM going was the idea that most people out there watching this on MTV and Muchmusic and BET and whatever else, will have absolutely NO CLUE that Hype Williams took this idea of making an epileptic sequence of text and colours from Noe's Enter the Void. Sure, its known by some he's paying homage and I doubt Williams is saying any different, but how many people seeing this video will be like "Oh nice, he's paying mad respect to Gaspar Noe." I'll answer that for you, maybe 8 people and AGM and I are 2 already. Okay again exaggeration, but the point is not many are going to think this way. Explore where ideas and concepts come from. Find out origins and background information. No one cares. They sit there wide eyed and drooling over Rihanna and throw the music video on to get themselves "pumped up" for a night out on the town. I can almost gaurentee you could walk into a room where the video is playing and be like "Hey, you guys seen the movie Enter the Void, it came out like last year, anyway, that trippy text sequence is straight from that movie. Williams is paying homage" and A)No one will give a shit, B) no one will give a shit and C)give a response like "Oh yeah?" and then not give a shit. It annoys me beyond bounds the ignorance of people and the knowledge that the majority of the masses have no clue what its like to think of something creative and interesting and then not be recognized for it, or worse yet, have your idea taken by someone else and they bask in the glory of it. Maybe its just me, but that would just plain suck. Noe may be like "Hey, its not the recognition I'm out for." Sure, he'll say that and maybe on a small scale he believes that, but if it was me, I'd be somewhat proud that Hype Williams liked my idea enough to throw it in a Kayne West video, but a lot of me would hate the idea that a whack load of people won't even know it was my idea.


Even worse than that is these complete ignorant arseholes out there won't even think that Hype Williams made the music video. They'll sort of think it, but a strong majority of viewing audiences will think "Kanye is the MAN! See that new music vid of his? Its sick!" F THAT! Kayne writes and raps and dances around on a cop car and goes to Karl Lagerfield and Louis Vutton shows, Hype Williams made the music video, not Kayne. Say something like "You see that new Kayne West video. Hype Williams makes a satisfying video." I just want to see the proper people recognized for what they've created! Is that so much to ask for?

Okay, now on to the other example I have that has been with me for a while. Remember a while back when the ever-so talented and ever-so predictable and the ever-so the same Shia LeBeouf made a little movie called Disturbia a few summers back? It was sort of a Summer hidden hit that you'd go see because nothing else was on at the time and it was one of those 'Date movies?' Yeah, well, I think a number of people, will know that movie is paying hommage to Alfred Hitchcock's film Rear Window, which is one of my personal favourites. I think more people will know Disturbia is taken from Hitchcocks back pocket, but not enough. If you do one tiny bit of background research into the movie, like before you go see it or rent it, then you'll likely find this out, but a lot of people don't, which I can't understand. How can you rent or see a movie without checking out the synopsis. I can you just go solely on what the poster looks like or the idea Megan Fox is in the movie. Like holy hell, end my life. You people suck. But that's for another rant another time.

Anyway, back to my point. What upsets me is that this movie was geared towards tweens, teens and 20 some year olds/young adults. I hope to God that most of the young adults knew that this was Rear Window, but that's aiming high I think. A lot of people are as I mentioned earlier wondering idiots who have no idea what else is out there. Tweens and teens, well they walked into this movie thinking it was an scary movie or whatever. Not once is it mentioned in the opening or closing credits that it is an adaptation, or "based on" the film Rear Window. This bothers me more than it should. It really does. I just want credit given where credit is due.


Some of you may have given up reading this blog a while back because you don't care. If you are still reading it, then you're like me and it bothers you to know that artists and individuals aren't getting the credit they deserve. The people who stopped reading, you can lick the area between my sack and my anus, up and down for like 5mins right after I played some basketball in snowpants. That goes for those people who think Shia LeBeouf was the first to spot a crime from his bedroom window before Jimmy Stewart!


This idea of original ideas in movies being squashed by current Hollywood can be stemmed out even further! European and Asian movies, brought to the North American big screens only to be re-made into English with English speaking actors? Like WHY?! Because people don't like reading subtitles and they don't know the actors so why go see the movie? THE MOVIE IS THE SAME!!! Girl With the Dragon Tatoo is the most recent example. They are re-making this movie with a bunch of North American/British actors. The movie is not even 2 years old in Sweden and it was tastefully done! Ugh...I heard that the Korean hit Oldboy directed by Chan-woon Park and based on the story by Garon Tschiya, was going to be re-made into a Hollywood movie and star Will Smith. The movie deals with revenge, murder and incest! Has a scene where he beats guys with a hammer and at one point cuts out his own tongue.

LIKE C'MON!? you really think Will Smith could play that roll? Because I don't. Its been done, you don't have to re-make it. I will give credit to Quentin Tarentino. He re-releases movies to the mass public and puts his name on it under it like "Quentin Tarentino Presents." That in my opinion is just fine. He puts it out with his name on it so it will be seen by more people, but he doesn't alter the movie or put some North American, washed out spin on it. At least its seen in its original state. I don't think re-making movies from the 50's and 60's is paying any respect to the director/writers or individuals involved in the movie whatsoever. I don't care who does it. If you respected the movie enough you wouldn't remake it. Simple as that. Its one thing to take concepts and methods from a Hitchcock movie and whole other to remake it and not credit the man. D.J. Caruso, I'm looking at you dickhead.

(D.J. Caruso looking for more ideas to steal/alter...that or watching Shia LeBeouf undress through his bedroom window.)


In the end, I just wanted to rant again. It was far too long and I think that's half the reason this rant is so long and rather dull. But I have a strong passion about all this. Its tough to get all my opinions and thoughts out on a page without going massively overboard. If anyone shares my opinion or disagrees with it, feel free to email me at babeandtheblob@gmail.com. I'll be happy to respond.

Casserole and Sears Won't Be The Same When Mom's Dead

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Blob Talks Baby Showers: Where Fun Is Like Flying Hippos...Non Existent.

Oh Baby! its a baby shower!
Come join us in celebrating Joy Smith's upcoming baby girl!

Sunday September 12th, 2010
1:00pm - 4:00 pm
Deerville Rd, My Life As I Know It Is Over, Ontario

R.S.V.P. to Sarah Jone's (555) 555-1111
Joy is registered at Baby R' Us (So you best buy her shit there! She doesn't need no toasters from Sears)

Baby showers. I get them. I understand why they happen. Celebrating a birth and helping out a family with buying them baby items like strollers, cribs, swings, toys, baby clothing, pornography for the man while he waits for his wife to be "ready" again...stuff like that. I mean it is a concept I'm not against, but I definitely can't see a Baby Shower ever being a fun. (Women reading this crossing there arms saying "not true!" ....Pipe down! you know I speak the truth.)

This weekend a lady friend of mine is being forced to attend to a baby shower for a relative she does not particularly want to go to. It is not because she doesn't like this relative or she's a bad person. Nothing like this. She has just has a strong premonition that her afternoon is going to be completely lame and for all intent purposes she is 100% correct. Its going to suck crap. I'm no psychic, but I can predict its going to be her sitting around for a few hours not thinking about babies or pregnancy, but thinking about everything else she could be doing other than this. Some may ask, why Blob are you writing about Baby Showers? Here is my answer, shut up and you will read what I write. Anyhoodle, I did a quick investigation about baby showers on the internet since I've never been to one myself. I actually found this site that has a section for Baby Shower Ettiquitte. I clicked on it and apparently this what should be done at a Baby Shower;

What timeline does a typical Baby Shower party follow?
This timeline is a suggestion and one possible order of events for a baby shower. Use this as an outline for yours and mix up the order and duration of the events, or add or remove events according to your preferences and needs.

• A baby shower typically lasts about 2 hours.

• Guests arrive.

• Greet them at the door.

• Welcome Everyone there.

• Recognize the guest of honor (the Soon-to-be-Mommy), and let her make any comments that she might like to make (warn her ahead of time).

• Make introductions, or have each guest introduce themselves and how they know the expectant mother, or have the expectant mother introduce each guest, and how she knows each one.

• Serve any snacks or appetizers and beverages you have.

• Play 2-3 baby shower games. This helps the guests get to know each other and gets everyone into a "party" mood.

• Serve any main dishes and/or desserts or baby shower cake.

• Gather everyone around to watch the expectant mother open her gifts.

• Ooh and Aah. : )

• Chat, have fun, eat more, giggle and laugh as needed : ) Guests often chat awhile after gifts are opened, and then gradually they will begin to leave.

• As guests begin to leave, pass out your baby shower favors.


Holy crap, are you serious?! This is what my lady friend has to go through?! Maggie I'm sorry, but looks like you're in for a wiiiilllldddd day (so much sarcasm i'm actually puking it). What in the hell kind of afternoon is this? "Play 2-3 baby shower games. This helps the guests get to know each other and gets everyone into a "party" mood." Party mood? Party mood?!! Puts people in the "party" mood? How on earth is playing some baby shower related games going to make any one want to party, or how they're likely putting it at the shower "get jiggy with it" - said like a super white 50 year old mother while she does some weird out-of-touch dance and your grandmother is clapping in the background because something is moving in front of her and she has no clue where she is or who these people are around her.

Let me present something to you all. And for those throwing or planning to throw a baby shower in the near future, take a note. I'm going to take the list of etiquitte procedures and tweak them slightly to fit something else.

What timeline does a typical Funeral follow?
This timeline is a suggestion and one possible order of events for a Funeral. Use this as an outline for yours and mix up the order and duration of the events, or add or remove events according to your preferences and needs.

• A Funeral typically lasts about 2 hours.

• Guests arrive.

• Greet them at the door.

• Welcome Everyone there.

• Recognize the guest of honor (the dead dude in the casket), and let him make any comments that he might like to make which is likely nothing since he's dead (warn him ahead of time, but its likely that he won't listen).

• Make introductions, or have each guest introduce themselves and how they knew the deceased.

• Serve any snacks or appetizers and beverages you have.

• Play 2-3 funeral games for the kids. This helps the guests get to know each other and gets everyone into a "party" mood, and helps them forget that grandpa is dead.

• Serve any main dishes and/or desserts or cake.

• Gather everyone around to view the body one last time before it is brought to the cementary

• Crying. : (

• Chat, have fun, eat more, giggle and laugh as needed : ) (because may I remind you, you're at a funeral you sicko) Guests often chat awhile after the casket is removed , and then gradually they will begin to leave.

• As guests begin to leave, pass out your thank you's and funeral favors.

Did anyone else see this similarity after reading the first baby shower suggestion list? C'mon it sounds to me like a funeral. And we all know, unless you're Irish, funerals just aren't fun and neither are baby showers.

I know baby showers were created by middle aged women, namely mothers and aunts. There is no doubt about it. Its written in the make up and breakdown of their so called "party." Snacks handed out, sitting around in a circle chatting and exchanging pleasantries, taking time to greet your guests. OKAY. I'm all for some sort of manners, but jeeeesusssss, unless your greeting your guests with a shot of iced stoli or you're in the Whitehall in 1534 and you're the King of France and King Henry VIII is there to welcome you, then let them find you and say what up. Even women out there that don't like Superbowl parties or other male oriented themed parties have to admit that there is a lot better chance they are going to have fun at something like a UFC party than a Baby Shower. First, guys don't care if you don't pay attention to the game/event so long as you're not in front of the television during it. I've even been to Grey Cup games that people don't even seem to care if you do that or not! They treat these afternoons/evenings like it's St. Patricks day and its an excuse to eat finger food, junk food, have an assortment of dips surrounding them and drink on a Sunday. Soon-to-be-mother 's on the other hand would likely gossip or make a smirk or have some bitchy off-handed comment towards you if you weren't paying attention to her while she's sitting in the middle of the room in a chair being flooded with gifts because you were actually comparing stories about the past friday with the only other single girl close to your age at this shower. What kind of party is this when you have a time and place slotted to "Ohhh and Ahhh" over presents. Good lord.



(Picture above: 4 women faking their happiness/fun and all would rather be elsewhere)

Conversations at a Gold Medal Hockey Game:

"Holy shit, did you see that cheap shot? Ohhh man, speaking of cheap shots, so the other day I'm in the grocery store picking up some items for dinner and this guy totally ran into me with his shopping cart and called me an asshole."

"What did you say back?"

"Nothing, it was early and I had a fight with my girlfriend the night before so I didn't get much sleep and I wasn't going to get into it with this douche over something like this. So I just shook it off and walked on."

"Ahh what a dick, what was the fight about with Helen?"

"Oh just told her this baby shower she was going today was going to be boring as piss on a plate and she didn't like that too much. I told her even though she hates hockey, that this party would be better. Plus! Deb was going to be here and at least they could talk if she didn't feel like hanging with the guys. Right Deb?"

"Fuckin' right! where is she anyway? that lame baby shower ended two hours ago. I'm the only girl here! I don't mind though... good excuse to get sloppy drunk, eat wings and not give a shit if my crack is showing because of my low waisted jeans!"

-High fives all around and back to the game and into other random conversations.

Baby Shower Conversation:

Woman #1 "Ohh I figured you'd need that!"

Mother-To-Be "What is it?"

Woman #1 "Its a breast pump silly! You'll need it because when that kid starts teething your nipples are going to be sooo sore"

Woman #2 "Ohhhh she's right, she's so right Joy, mine bled!"

-Laughing and giggling all around because they're discussing something personal in an open situtation without the use of alcohol. Having no interest in breast pump talk, a secondary conversation emerges in the background between the older sister and her younger sister.

Younger Sister "So tell me about this boy, is he cute?"

Older Sister "Yeah I like him a lot, we seem to have great se..."

Mother cuts into the conversation between the sisters

Mother "Shhhhh both of you. Joy is opening her gifts!"

Like Joy needs utter silence to concentrate on opening gift bags. Oh god forbid Joy hears anything more than the ripping of the scotch tape between her fingers while she's opening a gift shaped like a baby monitor. Here is something you should think about Joy. No one, including yourself is having fun right now. Unless you're some attention whore, no one in their right mind likes opening gifts in front of other people so why not just save them until later and do something else than sit around for an hour and open everyone's gifts. Its awkard, boring and you girls could be doing something much more creative and fun than this. I realize that alcohol isn't necessarily involved in a Baby Shower due to the mother-to-be being unable to consume it and its like blowing smoke in the face of a person trying to quit smoking. Its just not fair. But if you can't drink is the next best thing sitting around in some sort of semi-circle watching and admiring gifts this woman is opening like she's 5 years old? I'm reading on this same website I got the etiquitte garbage on and it states:
"Is it OK if an expectant mother has more than 1 baby shower?
You bet! Only you shouldn't plan more than 1 of them. It is becoming quite common for an expectant mother to have 2 baby showers or more."

Are you serious?! People have to sit through this crap more than once? That's like having 3 Sunday church masses with a monotone 70 year old priest 3 days in a row, or only in hell, 3 one after another in the same afternoon.

Seeing as we've all come to realize by this point that a Baby Shower is not fun and never will be fun unless something out of the ordinary happens then why not brainstorm and get creative. It can't be that difficult to think of something other than what traditional Baby Shower's have to offer. Maybe try having someone a little younger plan it, like your single friends (maybe a younger sister(s))? Let them organize things instead of a 50-70 year old woman. Don't let your mother plan your baby shower if you want to have fun, and its better off just not letting them get involved at all. If you end up doing something that appeals to the younger crowd, then they'll love it just the same because it'll make themselves feel young again. Think about it. Mothers and aunts love bachelorette parties they able to attend and are likely to get more sloshed than any of your 20-30 year old girlfriends will.

Maybe get a guy or two involved in the planning? Not like strippers, but...scratch that. Get a stripper or two. Get this stripper guy to hand out gifts with his junk swinging around or peeking out of some man diaper. All ripped and oiled up in a baby's bonet and a soother hanging around his neck. Do something! I'll hire him myself for my wife because I won't have her sit through such boring nonesense for an afternoon while I'm free to do whatever I want since I'm not invited, "its a girls thing." Hint: The guy is never dissapointed with this...like at all. He loves the idea he's not even invited so he doesn't have to turn it down. Here's my biggest suggestion then, get the males involved. Get the boyfriend/husband and his friends involved. I know, I know, its the mom's (girls) day...well if the mom wants a fun day and has any sort of happy, loving relationship with her boyfriend/husband then ask him and his buddies who throw year after year great sporting event parties to help plan this baby shower and maybe males will start getting dissapointed when they aren't invited. They got something going right. People always look forward to the parties and lets face it, guys know how to have a good time even in the weirdest situations. And screw opening presents in front of everyone. They all know what they got you and you probably do too. There is only so much someone can buy for a Baby Shower. Save the opening with your husband because in the end he was the only one who helped you get these presents. Trust me, getting the man involved everyone will likely have a better time and may result in something like this.

In the end I reiterate, I am not against the idea of a Baby Shower. I think its great because when I'm a soon-to-be father I don't want to take money that my wife and I earned to buy a stroller, when someone else is willing to buy it for us. No one would, so bring on the Baby Shower. I also think its nice to celebrate the coming birth. But when the idea and events surrounding this celebration makes me want to go to a wake instead then there is a problem. Maybe I'm just being a typical man. A typical guy who just wants fun and partying and doesn't understand the civilness and fun that can be had at a quiet function with just the girls. I've never been to a baby shower so how should I know? Well ladies, maybe you're right...But maybe read over this website I was looking at earlier under the etiquitte section and tell me if this makes a Baby Shower sound fun. Nothing is fun with this many guidelines/suggestions. Its ridiculous! http://www.plan-the-perfect-baby-shower.com/baby-shower-etiquette.html

There is a difference between having a "nice time" and a "great time." Everyone says they had a "nice time" when they really didn't. It was a "nice time" during dinner when I met your new boyfriend who is a complete douchebag but I don't have the balls to tell you right now that he's completely wrong for you. Oh we had a "nice time" at the cottage but your kids are such bastards and broke my fishing rod I wish they were my own so I could beat them. I had a "nice time" at today's Baby Shower even though it was a complete bore and would have rather been reading a book in the park in a thunderstorm. I can't speak for her, but I can almost gaurentee that my lady friend will be telling her relatives she had a "nice time," when she's leaving but all the while thinking to herself "thank God this afternoon is over."

If God Had Food Poisoning From A Sketchy Italian Eatery It Would Be MTV's 'The Jersey Shore'

I just witnessed the death of television. It involved MTV and a bunch of self-proclaimed "Guido's & Guidettes." I realize Jersey Shore has been on television now for a better part of a year and has a fairly devout following consisting of either fellow douchebags/douchettes or in the majority of cases people who just want to see this spectacle unfold. Watching it, I felt like back in 2001 when the twin towers were crumbling before my eyes and the horror of reality. It was hard to watch, yet I watched it anyway. Well, welcome to 2010 some 9 years later and Osama has struck again by executively producing this show (maybe not directly, but Taliban HAS to be funding this). I write this on the brink of Season 2 premiere tonight, Thursday July 29th on MTV where the cast moves from the slums of Jersey to Miami to party with/no where near CB1, LeBron and Wade, where I think every cast member, may actually appear more tanned then those three.




So let this outrage begin. Here I am eating a peanut butter and jam sandwhich, a classic, with some orange juice flipping through the complete dullness that is Saturday afternoon television. Last thing I remember I was flipping past sports updates on The Score and the next thing I know I'm blinking for the first time in 35mins, I can't remember my name and it appears I've just botched my own suicide by not tying the noose tight enough. When I look up and onto the television I see how I got myself into this situation...Mike "The Situation" is staring me down flexing his muscles and attempting to teach me how to maintain looking good at all times by following "G.T.L. baby" or in other words working out, tanning and doing laundry. Thanks Mike, I'll remember that the next time I go out. You're a life saver!

So after I take my neck out of the noose and sit back down on the bed contemplating how many people would show up to my funeral, I look back up and another episode is starting. It seems I've come across a Jersey Shore marathon on MTV. Well, well, aren't I lucky. Perhaps with a lot of focus, or none at all, depending on how you look at it, I can sit through one of these episodes and find out what all this fuss is about. Why is this a popular show? Well from what I can tell just based on the opending credits is that the Jersey Shore is just a cheap Real World filmed in Little Italy Jersey. As the show goes on, its basically just that. A bunch of Italian, highly egotistical and sexually and aesthetically driven Italians living under one roof. There isn't much special about the show and I don't think the creators even believe themselves that it is some feat in reality television. The only difference between The Jersey Shore and shows similar such as The Real World and Big Brother, is that there are a lot more arguements, physical fights, pasta, tans and a troll that lives in the house. I thought this a bit odd at first that they would incorporate this mythical woodland creature normally found in fairy tales and fantasy films, but perhaps they were trying to bring a new audience demographic into the fold and thought a troll....wait....is that a girl? Holy hell.

Snooki. Okay, so while I'm wasting my Thursday afternoon writing this blobetorial on Jersey Shore, I might as well start by talking about the biggest waste of space on this planet, Snooki. I'm sure she's a sweet gal, but only when she doesn't talk, it's pitch black and I don't have a face because it was biten off by a racoon. Her appearance alone gives me that feeling I just ate something that has gone bad in my fridge, quick give me a garbage can or a sink so I can spit this out immediately feeling. You know that time in space between when you realize it has gone bad and when you get to spit it out? It's horrible. It's as if you're suffocating, feel like vomitting and wishing you could erase this experience out of your memory after its over with because you'll never look at that peice of food/drink the same way all in less than 3 seconds. Well Snooki's appearance is similar in all the same ways I've just listed. I feel sick, want to erase this from my memory and TV will never be the same. Then she opens her mouth. I don't even need to explain it in a creative way. Instead I decided to pull out my tape recorder and actually recorded from my television a conversation with Snooki and her new "gorilla juicehead" boyfriend.

In light of this part of my blobetorial I will call Snooki by her Troll name, Snookidorf.

Snookidorf: Meatball, Meatball?
Gorilla BF: How many balls do you want?
Snookidorf: I want two...in my face.

Snookidorf aside: Well, I'm done Snookin...for love. I found an amazing gorilla juicehead.

Gorilla BF: What? No Sausage?
Snookidorf: No, I didn't make sausage. You have that.

Snookidorf aside: Me and Emilio have been together for two and half months. I really don't want to cheat, like seriously I don't want to, but you know, if you're going to hand me a bottle of fricken SoCo something just comes over me, I just go crazy.

Snookidorf and her boyfriend are then shown in her room with her boyfriend Emilio with a spray on tan gun directed towards Snooki's face and her pulling back her hair.

Snookidorf: Just one more
Gorilla BF: One more?
Snookidorf: Yeah
Gorilla BF: Three coats? Jesus...

Sprays her like a guy spraying an ant hill with raid.

Snookidorf aside: I don't go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning and I feel like he did that intentionally for us. McCain wouldn't have put a 10% tax on tanning...because he's pale and he'd probably want to be tanned.

Do I need to say more? I think she explains what I mean herself plus I don't want to talk about her anymore...it hurts my brain. The tan, the hair, the outfits, the walk, all that she cherishes as her good qualities just cries out to me to make fun of her and considering this blog is my Mt. Olympus of judgement, Snooki and the rest of her "crew" recieve no quater.

The rest of the crew are just as bad. Some less prodominent than others and the ones I won't really go into (Vinnie, Sweetheart and Ronnie) because I could think of about 101 things off the top of my head I'd rather be doing than this, but I have to, I must. Anyway, Pauly D and Mike "The Situation" are absolutely ridiculous. I can't really put into words how these two douchebags make my self esteem rise to new and exciting heights. Instead of dancing around, pumping their fists they should go on a nationwide tour to highschools with the motto "Don't worry, if you're fat or have acne or are shy around girls/guys at least you don't dress, act, and cut your hair like us." All these guys do on the show is attempt to pick up girls and fail on epic proportions. Sure they get some girls back to their place, but not once do they ever score or have really any luck out of the clubs at all, yet they continue to think as themselves as if God was Italian's house warming gift to women. Mike "The Situation" is the worst of them both. In an attempt to explain who he is, Mike has been quoted to say “This situation is indescribable. You can’t even describe the situation that you’re about to get into the situation.” They're obsessed with bringing girls back to the hot tub. Gee whiz, let's use the next best thing to a date rape drug and seduce a girl who is drunk back to a hot tub where we can take her top off and make out a little. Maybe if we're lucky we can have sex and with every thurst shove dirty highly chemical treated water up her 'calzone.' This guy constantly swings for the fences and comes back from the bar with either A) beer goggles covered in mud worthy girl with clearly low self esteem or B) his friend Pauly D. I seriously do not understand how these two take themselves seriously let alone any one else in the world around them take them seriously. Just look at Pauly D's hair? I recently saw a blonde kid in a local pub here on Sunday night with a similar haircut and I was nearly floored to realize that this is an actual style. I think I'd off myself if I found out that a girl I had a crush on liked a guy like this. Clearly, that crush would desolve quicker than sugar in water, but the knowledge that I liked this particular girl would get me up in that noose again.

JWOWW, well there isn't much to say that can't be said with a picture. She looks and acts like an Italian American pornstar. That's about it. Fake boobs, obvious bad complexion under her 8 lbs. of make up and hair extentions. I realize this is more attractive than the sexual vibe Snooki, Pauly D and The Situation are putting out because this sort of stuff sells in Vegas and Playboy, Penthouse, Porn, are all on the horizons for JWOWW, but still. ugh. Her latest venture I've seen is sexy lingerie for women. Good for you girl, the Pussycat Dolls made their mark, why not just follow in those whores footsteps and make ridiculously overpriced lingerie that a guy just wants to rip off you anyway. The only good thing I can say about JWOWW is that she back handed "The Situation" in the face and it was pretty glorious.

The show I get, well at least why people watch it. Pure ridiculousness. I get it, it sells because people want to see how F'd up these people are and what situations they get into. I can't for the life of me, contemplate how this Ed Hardy, massive motif T-shirt wearing, ridiculously ripped, egotistical, catty, hair extensions, trucker hats, gotti looking, over competitive personalities exist, but apparently they make a "good" concept for a show. When it comes to the fashion, I don't get it either. How does anyone go out in public thinking Ed Hardy trucker hats, shirts, pants, shoe laces, or whatever looks at all good. Wearing a massive rhinestone fleur des lis or a fake-diamond encrusted tiger attacking a whale or whatever with an overly confusing Ed Hardy designed hat makes you look like idiot. Plain and simple. Wearing fur ugs, sweat pants and a very deep v-neck blouse exposing most of your fake breasts that look like the doctor put to salad bowls underneath your skin and sewed you up makes you look like an idiot. Plain and simple. I would only hope that most of the shows followers watch the show knowing full well these people are morons when it comes to a lot of aspects of life.

I don't really get it I guess. I can't seem to watch a show like this without judging the people and the society that watch it. Some of you may say that I'm commiting to the hype, or the viewership by watching it, true, I'll give you that one. However, in my defense I can safely say that I was looking for something to make fun of and blog about for a better part of 2 weeks and Jersey Shore came on television as if God appeared before me and slammed my face with a bowl of pasta filled with rhinestones and hair gel. So yes, I watched some episodes of Jersey Shore and yes I wasted yet more hours of my life writing this for likely fairly limited readership, but at least I get to post this. (That's Snookidorf)


Back in Janurary Michael Cera as a promo stunt for his movie he hung out with the Jersey Shore crew and basically breaks down every episode of this so-called show by partaking in certain aspects of the guidos & guidettes life. Watching this I almost get the feeling that some of these guys actually know that they look ridiculous, but do it anyway. Well done Michael.

I Spell Summer S-U-Bootyshakes-M-M-E-R

So since I've been back from Japan I've kept myself fairly busy. Whether its been hanging with friends, sharing drinks and conversations with friends, checking out my friends band Mouth two nights in a row or trying to maintain some sort of sleep patern it seems like I've been back for a year instead of a week since I reorganized my apartment last Thursday. Today in fact is the first day I've actually felt somewhat bored. I woke up with absolutely nothing to do other than wait for tomorrow. This is a comforting feeling but at the same time as boring as piss on a plate. I also realized that we are now in June and its basically summer. Joy to air conditioned bachelor apartments. Anyway in lieu of all this I would like to commemorate this boring day and the arrival of June with a video post. Welcome to Boredom/Hello June, Won't You Be Mine?

First video up is from Miike Snow, a mix by Stuart Price called 'The Rabbit.' Not only is this video rad, the song is ah ah ahhhhh!mazing. Throw it on your ipod and go for a walk with patios popping and just love life. Then throw your ipod on at a house party and pick the cutest girl/guy in the room, grab them and dance with them on the hardwood like they are at 0:38 mins of this video, j'adore it. Or make your own moves up, be creative. And if you can dance like the girl at that part, call me, my number is 613-80(censored due to underwhelming amount of calls).




Next up is the latest single from the dancepop band Jump Jump Dance Dance, 'Modern Eyes.' Directed by the same dude who did the Friendly Fires vid for Skeleton Boy. Fun jam I must say!

Jump Jump Dance Dance - Modern Eyes from etcetc on Vimeo.

Finally, just a regular afternoon for the boys in Male Bonding. What spells summer more than the things in this video...wait...I don't remember spending my summer doing ALL of these things.




Hope you all enjoyed. Also, shout outs to Elliot, Rory and Kaylee of Mouth. If you're in Ottawa, come check them out this coming Monday June 7th, at The Rainbow Room and listen to them at http://www.myspace.com/aquapork They're bare bones rock n' roll!

Also...the often romanticized about and legendary, AGM, is making a visit this weekend. I'm ever so excited. Its going be very, very colourful.