A Discussion of Fornication

Ok so when The Babe and I started this blog it was going to be about every topic we would want to discuss. A topic thread about bear hibernation is not out of the question for example. Some topics are going to be fun, others will be serious. No hold bars as I would put it. A whole lot of nothing to support procrastination or boredom. That's all I ask from myself and The Babe when posting on this. So with that being said, I'm going to now share with you all a conversation I had over a "girl talk," which I had the pleasure to be a part of a few weeks back with 3 lovely ladies (one being The Babe herself). At some point during the talk I gave a lecture on what I like to call The 3 Tiers of Fornication, the differences between them and how you can tell which one you and your partner are partaking in. The 3 tiers are; Sex, Making Love, and F**king. There is no in-between and in most cases its known before one of these acts occurs which you are about to achieve. I bring this topic up to all of you because I'm proud of it, that and it came up again in "Girl Talk #2" last night at a local pub so why not post about it.

!! Before you read any further, be warned, this is about to get a little..uhh...colourful. !!

OK let's begin. As stated earlier, there are 3 various types of "doing it." Sex, Love Making, and F**king. Let's discuss Sex to start. Sex is the most common of the 3 with strangers and couples. Chances are you've participated in the act of "having sex" more than the other 2 depending on your sexual partners. Sex is most common. Its routine. It happens when you're both horny and want to get off and obviously having someone else there to stick or get stuck by is better than the right hand so you proceed to have sex. Nothing wrong with sex...at all. In fact its great. You share pleasure, and in most cases get to see one another naked. Sex normally involves full nudity. Take your clothes off, have sex and roll over and maybe talk or watch the rest of the movie. There is good and bad sex and this is special to this tier of fornication. Unlike Making Love and F**king, there is good sex and there is bad sex and you can normally distinguish between the two easily, espeically if you've had more than 1 partner before. There is such a thing as "okay" sex too. Maybe the dude is playing some weird music and it throws off your rhythm or she's too loud and you get freaked out. Whatever it is, you can come away from sex discribing it as "it was good" or "it was okay." I hope for all of you you don't come away saying "It was bad," but it happens. And ladies, it can be your fault just as much as the guys. If you say you had sex, its pretty much the basics. In the bed, floor or couch. Maybe a chair...maybe. Did you take a guy home and sleep with him? Switch positions a few times and it took place in your bed? you probably had sex. Most drunk ecnounters and one night stands is sex. Depending on your intoxication, its forced to be basic because the more difficult and faster moves are too hard when you can't see straight or even know if the girl is facing you or her back is towards you. Sex is fairly basic, straight forward and fun, but nothing super exciting to write down in your diary or on a blog. Its good and healthy.

Now, Making Love? well that's basically for couples, married people or some fantastic journey of lust where two people have fallen in love, the guy goes to war and he comes back like 10 years later and "make love." Making love is intimate. It involves a lot of holding, caressing, longing, slow movement and not a lot of noise other than the music accompanying this majestic moment of love and tenderness. It can be one of the most intense acts you will have in the bed, or one of the most boring all depending on how you look at it. Another reason to make love? you and your spouse have decided to concieve. Before it comes down to ovulation schedules, or "if we want this kid, I guess we have to do it tonight eh?" you make love. That first time when you've talked about it and both agree you want to try and make baby, you go home from dinner, light candles, put music on, get some oils and strip down in front of one another slowly and then you will proceed to make love. you may do this once more or a few more times, but if you haven't concieved, you will likely go into the routine and have sex instead of make love. Just get the deed done so we can make a kid. See? routine = sex. Nothing really wrong with it, and even if its routine it can still be good, but its just the act. its nothing really more. Making Love is the passionate part. Slow movements and a lot of looking into one another's eyes and saying I Love You a lot with a whisper.

Now you are saying "I love you!" screaming at the top of your lungs while being bent over a table with your skirt still on hiked up to your waist with some dudes manhood being plunged into you with Nine Inch Nails -10,000 playing in the back, then you are getting F**ked (SEE END OF POST FOR SONG). No love, no routine in this. F**king is most of the time spontaneous, fast and rough. You can't F**k without it either hurting a bit or tossing each other around a bit. You may get a bruise or two. I'm not talking punching a guy in the mouth or the tip of his penis, well some of you may like that, but you know, grabbing tightly and vigorously instead of holding or petting. F**king ain't for the weak. Dirty talk plays a big part in F**king too. Words like; pussy, cunt, cock, suck, fuck, baby and bitch can be used quite frequently. F**king = dirty and naughty. Role play normally is involved in F**king, you can't have Sex or Make Love playing out some rape scenerio...that's just weird. Forest Ranger finds you building an illegal fire in an heavily wooded area and he requires you to "pay" for your illegal deeds, I'll tell you right now, you're not about to Make Love. Ever been thrown on a bed and your shirt ripped off and pants torn down to your ankles by some girl wearing red lip stick and tights and she doesn't even bother to take her dress off and just peels the underwear aside (or doesn't even have any one to begin with), just hops right on for the ride? Well first off, you may want to experience this once in your life before you rot in some hole somewhere and secondly, yeah, that's F**king. Pure carnal lust and rage. Couples in a fight and then have rough make-up sex, you're F**king your rage out. Bad day at work and your wife is making asparagus and asks you to try one to see if there is too much sea salt on it and while she hands you one, you bite it furiously and throw her against the fridge and she says "Oh Fred," you're about to F**k her and knock down all the kids hard work spelling out their names with fridge letter magnets. But its worth it. If your spouse says "Oh (insert your name here)" you've got her off guard and you are about to carnal up in her, pardon my vulgarness. Its the most fun because its a change and doesn't happen all too often. It should be hot and you should describe it as such. F**king normally involves new areas you haven't explored during Sex or Love Making. Showers, public parks, cars, alleyways, over desks, over counters, over fences, over a passed out friend are all some examples of hot spots. Its not only with couples, it can totally be with strangers. Just drunken rough, sweaty deeds all over that person's apartment. You wake up and although you've had sex enough, your leg muscles hurt in new and painful ways, this means you likely F**ked.

All three of these tiers of fornication have their fine lines as well. They normally don't bleed into one another. Usually you will perform one. Not many people F**k then Make Love, or are in the middle having Sex and then all of a sudden start to F**k, unless you call the guy a chump or bitch (see you brought a piece of dirty talk in because you're bored). This is an exception to the rule. Another is that may be bleed into is that your Making Love and its not working, not in the mood, CD is skipping or something so you just start to have Sex instead just to finish off and go to bed. There are of course these and other exceptions but I believe my categorizing system is fairly fool-proof. So next time you tell your buddies or your girlfriends "you had sex" with someone, ask your self what you really did do.

This is my own non-professional amateur opinion so if you disagree, feel free to take your words write them down on a peice of paper and make love to that peice of paper. Oil yourself up, light some candles up and throw that Kenny G tape in and make love to that paper. Now that you know the differences, maybe go take someone special to you and try something new. Try calling your partner a bitch while you're on top of them and see what happens! Or rub one out, which ever works for you at this moment and time. And no, masturbation is masturbation. There is no tiers to that so don't overthink it.

P.S. I was listening to this song on repeat while writing this. This is also the most obscure and weird music video ever...